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Title: The Ejaculation Calculation
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Pairing(s): Sheldon/Blaine (the man from the cafeteria in 2x03)
Word Count: 5,705
Thanks: To [livejournal.com profile] boheme06 for the beta and [livejournal.com profile] dancinbutterfly for...pretty much everything ever.
Summary: Sheldon and Blaine go on their first date. Follow up to The Closet Theorem.
Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory does not belong to me. It is the property of Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, and CBS. I make no money from this and no copyright infringement is intended.



"Hello, my scientific brethren," Sheldon greets the table as he joins them for lunch. "And hello, Leslie, as well."

"You seem like you're in an awfully chipper mood," Leonard comments. "Did you finish analyzing the data from your research?"

"I did," Sheldon answers.

"So what was the outcome?"

"I told Doctor Summers that it's entirely possible that I have feelings for him. Thankfully, my breaking and entering did not deter him from returning them and as it turns out, we'll be having intercourse on Friday, so I'll need you to be out of the apartment."

"What?"

"You said if I ever found another member of my own species, you would be happy to leave us alone so we could mate."

"I...okay, I did," Leonard says, "but are you sure you're going to be...um, mating? I mean, it's your first date and everything."

"Blaine seems quite intent on having intercourse with me. I told you he found me irresistible, didn't I?"

"Has anyone checked this man for brain damage?" Leslie asks.

"Who? Sheldon or Doctor Summers?" Leonard asks her.

"Both."

"Laugh all you want, Leslie, but I, too, shall laugh as I engage in coitus with an attractive man."

"And I'm sure he'll be laughing right back at you."

"The people I sleep with usually laugh at me," Howard says helpfully. "Don't let it get to you, Sheldon."

"I don't intend to. But at any rate, I will need to do more research in the area of male-to-male intercourse before the date. My first attempt at it was successful, but I can only assume that, like completing a quest in World of Warcraft, it gets better every time you do it."

"I have some videos you could watch," Leslie offers. "They're of the pornographic nature, but clearly you're into that."

"You have gay porn?" Leonard asks her. "Why do you have gay porn?"

"Usually when a person is engaging in masturbation, he or she requires some sort of erotic image to start the chemical reaction that prepares them for orgasm."

"Yeah, but...gay porn?"

"Do you want the videos or not, Sheldon?" Leslie asks.

"No, thank you. I can do my own research."

However, after two days of scouring the internet for information, Sheldon realizes that while there is plenty of information about penetration, there is very little in the way of foreplay or even oral sex, and he imagines both will be very important in the actual event. He didn't have a chance to try them with the other man, due to the fact that it was mostly just kissing and then suddenly he was being prepared for anal sex.

It had gone well, of course, and both of them had left the encounter satisfied, but Sheldon suspects this time will be different due to the fact that Blaine is not angry with him.

So, deciding he needs an actual person's advice on how to administer oral sex, he goes across the hall and knocks on Penny's door.

"Oh, hi, Sheldon," she says cheerfully. "Excited for your big date tomorrow?"

"Yes," he says. "My synapses are firing at an alarming rate. But that's actually why I came to see you. I need your advice on the matter of fellatio."

"What?"

"Oral sex. Putting the penis into one's mouth. It has come to my attention that I need the advice of someone who has performed it before and as you're my only female acquaintance with whom I can stand to share breathing space—"

She slams the door shut and he stares at it for a moment before saying, "Was that not an acceptable question?"

Which is how he finds himself in Leslie's lab the next day.

"Hello, Dumbass," she greets him. "Leonard isn't here."

"Yes, I know. I came to see you."

She raises her eyebrow at him from behind her goggles. "Proceed."

"It has come to my attention that I do not know how to perform oral sex on a man and as I would like for this date to go well, I would very much appreciate it if you shared your clearly bountiful knowledge of the subject. Though I would very much appreciate it if you could refrain from mentioning your encounters with Leonard during the lecture."

"All right," she says, "but if I do this for you, what will you do for me?"

"What would—wait. This is blackmail, isn't it? I'll have you know that blackmail is illegal in California, as well as the other forty-nine states. It is also morally reprehensible, and also, it's extremely pedestrian and rather beneath people of our intellect. Well, beneath people of my intellect, anyway."

"Bite me," Leslie says cheerfully. "And besides, I prefer to think of it as the mutual back-scratching paradigm, which is perfectly legal and socially acceptable."

"Fine. What would you like in return?"

"I want you to admit that loop quantum gravity is the way of the future and string theory has all the scientific merit of Star Trek."

"I will not."

"Then bite your boyfriend's penis off. Have a nice date."

"Wait," Sheldon says. "Surely there must be something else. I refuse to lie and state something that is scientifically unsound just for a piece of information about sex."

"Sorry," she says, shrugging and not seeming sorry at all. "Those are the terms. Either you can accept them or you cannot, but either way, I have a theory's internal logical consistency to prove."

"You mean you have time to waste. Time that you could be helping out your fellow man. Which, as you know, is part of a scientist's duty."

"It is not my duty to keep you from having disastrous gay sex. That's your duty."

Sheldon realizes he is desperate when she turns back to her laser and panic rises in his throat at the thought of what he could potentially do to Blaine if he is not careful.

He closes his eyes and says, very softly, "I suppose...loop quantum gravity has its merits."

"And string theory?" she prompts.

"Is another...theory."

"All right," she says. "That really wasn't good enough, but I respect Doctor Summers as a friend and a colleague, so I'm going to give you the advice anyway because he's a good man who really doesn't deserve to be accidentally castrated. But I'm not doing it to help you."

"Fine," he says. "That's fine. Just tell me."

She pulls open a drawer and pulls a banana out of it. He's about to tell her how unprofessional it is to keep fruits in one's workstation but then, he supposes, now really isn't the time.

"Pretend this is a penis," she instructs. "Now, what's the first thing you'd do?"

"Call a doctor. If any man's penis is this curved, he needs immediate medical attention."

"Most men's penises are curved."

"Curved, yes. Nearly circular, I think not."

She sighs in annoyance. "Just pretend that it's a penis, all right? Curve or no curve."

"Very well," he huffs. "I suppose I would begin by putting it in my mouth. That is, after all, the point of oral sex, is it not?"

"Has...has no one ever given you a blow job before?"

"No, but to be fair, I've never wanted one."

"Why not? Oral sex is a healthy way to—"

"The human mouth is a breeding ground of bacteria."

"What? No, it's not. Oral sex is safer than intercourse."

"That's neither here nor there. I believe we had the penis in my mouth."

"Yes, Sheldon. The penis is in your mouth. And be careful about your teeth. Wrap your lips around them so you don't bite him."

"That would be bad, right?"

"Would you like to have someone chew on your penis?"

"Well, no, but as I've told you, I wouldn't like to have anyone's mouth on my penis in the first place."

"Okay, look, just...don't bite, don't scrape your teeth, and just suck and lick. Think of it like a giant lollipop."

"I wasn't allowed to have lollipops as a child. My mother said they'd encourage deviancy."

"Then think of it like a popsicle."

"I wasn't allowed to have those, either."

"Then a—"

"Leslie, let me just stop you right there. Any kind of phallic treat that you can think of that can be sucked or licked was not permitted, okay?"

"Your mother really didn't want you to turn out gay, did she?"

"Well, no. But to be fair, she does submit to the mass cultural delusion that is religion, so one can hardly blame her. Small minds and all that."

"And does she know you're going on a date with a man?"

"Why would I speak to my mother about my sex life?"

Leslie shakes her head. "No reason. Just be gentle, okay? No biting, just licking and sucking and he'll let you know what feels good and what doesn't."

"That's it? I had to betray string theory for that?"

"Kind of pathetic of you, isn't it?"

"Surely there's something else? Some other tip or trick?"

"All right, all right," she says. "Three more things."

"Thank you."

"First, gag reflex. Don't try to take him in all at once or you'll choke and that's no fun for anyone. The tip is the most sensitive part anyway. Second, put your hand around the base of his penis and use that to masturbate what's not in your mouth. And thirdly, practice makes perfect. You can have the banana."

"And that's everything?"

"It's kind of a learn-on-the-job type deal," she says. "But go, young padawan. The force is strong in you."

Sheldon grins. "I've always wanted to have someone say that to me. Could you do it in a Yoda voice?"

"No. Now get out of my lab."

***


That night, Sheldon shows up at Blaine's apartment at precisely eight-thirty and presents him with a lollipop.

"Uh, thanks?" Blaine says, taking the candy from him and setting it down on the coffee table.

"You're welcome," Sheldon answers. "I bought a package of them earlier today to practice on when my banana went soft and I had that one left so I thought I would give it to you. I've been told giving gifts to one's date is considered polite."

Blaine stares at him. "Do I even want to ask you to explain that sentence?"

"I was practicing fellatio on a banana but I guess I sucked on it too hard and eventually it got soft and its molecular integrity broke down, so I switched to lollipops. Anyway, are you ready for our date?"

"You...you were practicing blow jobs?"

"I wanted to be prepared."

"Jesus, Sheldon. Do you realize how hot that is?"

"What?"

"The idea of you practicing...'cause you wanted to be good...God."

And then he's kissing Sheldon again, with tongue and teeth biting into his lower lip this time, and Sheldon supposes that what he's feeling is a very powerful wave of arousal.

"We...we should be going," he says. "I made the reservation for nine."

"You don't want to stay and practice on the real thing?"

"Oh, no. I've practiced quite enough today. I think I will be quite sufficient at it when the time comes."

"Well, what if the time is now?"

"The accepted protocol is that we go on the date, then, depending on level of attraction and the quality of the goodnight kiss, a mutual decision is made whether or not to engage in sexual activity together."

"But—"

"We're going to be late for our reservation."

"You're a tease, Sheldon Cooper."

"A tease? I certainly don't mean to be. I'm simply following protocol. I did research for this, you realize. This is something of a first date for me."

"Really? You've never been on a real date?"

"Once I accidentally stole Koothrappali's date, but I didn't mean to and I spent the entire evening comparing her to a character in a children's story. It was all very chaste. And once I went on a date with a man that ended in sex during my experiment, and while he was very attractive, I did not have feelings for him as I do you. So yes, this would be my first real date."

Blaine sighs. "All right. We'll do this right, then. You should have a nice date."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Everyone deserves a good first real date."

"Thank you. So shall we proceed?"

"Yeah."

"You know," Sheldon says as they make their way downstairs, "I must say, it does take a lot of the pressure off knowing that we'll be having sex tonight. It's a metaphorical weight off of my shoulders to know that I don't have to try and woo you on this date."

"Woo?"

"It means to flatter and impress so as to convince you to have sex with me."

"Yeah, I know what it means, Sheldon. I just haven't heard that word used in real conversation since the 1950s."

"You were alive in the 1950s? You're remarkably well preserved. Do you think the age difference will be a problem in our relationship?"

"I—" Blaine begins, then shakes his head. "No. I'm sure it will be fine."

"Oh, good. I almost worried." He pauses. "What about sex? Can you still have sex at your age? A man's ability to maintain an erection drops as his age increases."

"Sheldon, I'm twenty-nine. I wasn't literally alive in the 1950s."

"Oh. Well, you should've explained that. It's not my fault you weren't clear."

He pulls the door of the restaurant open and allows Blaine to go in first, a little tip he picked up off of Wikipedia. Supposedly it's considered very polite in some circles.

"I hope this is okay. I asked my neighbor, Penny, where she usually goes on dates and she said Italian restaurants are always romantic. I told her we were both scientists who knew romanticism was useless and trite, but she insisted I bring you here, anyway."

"It's fine, Sheldon. Italian is good. And romanticism doesn't always have to be trite."

"It doesn't?"

"Not if it's done right."

"You'll have to show me," Sheldon shrugs. "At any rate, this is our table." He pulls out Blaine's chair for him, another trick he read online, before taking his own seat on the opposite side of the table. "Would you be all right if I didn't hold your hand? I don't condone public displays of affection, nor do I particularly like to be touched."

"Uh, sure."

"Oh, good. This relationship has a chance of working out then. I picked my mate well. Good for me."

"Um. Right. So...where'd you grow up?"

"East Texas," Sheldon answers. "Oh, is this the part where we talk about ourselves until the other is bored and wants to shoot their own eye out?"

"Yes."

"Oh. All right. Ask away, then."

"Okay. Have you ever been in a relationship before?"

"Goodness, no. In general, human attachments baffle me."

"Okay, then why did you call me your 'mate?'"

"Well...because we're on a date and there will be intercourse later and presumably after that we'll arrange another date because of the previously mentioned me having feelings for you, and the pattern will continue until one of us dies or one of our penises stops working, whichever comes first."

"I..." Blaine says, then shakes his head. "Sheldon...this is a first date."

"Yes, I know. It's very exciting, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but you're kind of jumping ahead of the game, here."

"Oh, was I not supposed to mention us having sex? Is that impolite? Was it the mention of death? Too depressing?"

"No, Sheldon, it's all this talk of being together until we die and calling me your mate and—"

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's...it's not appropriate to say those things on a first date."

"But I have feelings for you."

"What kind of feelings?"

"Well...I'm not one to romanticize things, but the world around me underwent a paradigm shift when you walked into it. Literally."

"It...it did?"

"I've never had feelings for someone before. I quite like Leonard, and Koothrappali, and Howard, and even Penny. They're all pleasant to be around, at least most of the time. But none of them ever changed the basis on which my world worked. I'm here on a date with you, engaging in scientifically unsound behavior, because you shifted my paradigm."

Blaine stares at him for a moment before he speaks. "That's really...sweet, Sheldon. And I have feelings for you, too. But you need to take things a little slower, all right?"

"It's been two months since you first gave me your phone number. How much slower can I take things?"

Blaine smiles. "Let's just see how this date turns out. If it goes well, then we'll set up another. We'll wing it."

"Well, all right, but that didn't work out very well for my friend, Leonard. You didn't, by any chance, lie about where you matriculated, did you?"

"No."

"Well, that's a relief."

"So you'll take it slow, then?"

"If it pleases you."

"It does."

"Very well. We'll wing it."

"Thank you."

Dinner goes better after that. Sheldon discovers that Blaine has two older brothers and one younger sister, grew up in Ohio, and wanted to be a professional basketball player when he was younger until he grew up and realized he was much better suited to being the team's analyst than its star point guard.

And the absurd part is, Sheldon actually cares. He actually finds hearing about Blaine's life to be interesting, and theorizes it must be because of those feelings he has, though he can't think of a way to test it.

He tells Blaine about himself, as well; about his siblings and his mother and how upset he'd been when the government made him close down the reactor he'd built in his parents' shed.

It's comforting to know that Blaine understands how upset he'd been back then and how he still feels the sting of it now, knowing he could've helped solve the energy crisis as a child and the government simply wouldn't let him.

And then dinner is over and he invites Blaine back to the apartment. Per their arrangement, Leonard is nowhere to be found when they arrive.

"Would you like a drink?" Sheldon asks. "We don't have alcohol, but we have juice. Or I could make tea."

"No," Blaine says. "That's okay. I'm fine."

"Oh. All right. Then I suppose this is the part where I ask you, in some kind of outrageously cliché way, if you'd like to go into my bedroom."

"Usually, yeah."

"All right. How's this? I think there's a comet in the sky tonight. The view is better from my bedroom window."

"There's no comet tonight."

"Exactly."

Blaine laughs. "You're lucky I find that charming."

"I don't believe in luck."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"Just take me to your bedroom."

"All right, but will you help me pick out a tie?"

"A tie?"

"Yes. I recently learned that putting a tie on the doorknob is a way to signal to one's roommate that one is engaging in intercourse."

"Usually, yeah."

"I'm unsure whether stripes or solids would be more suited to this purpose, however, so would you mind offering advice?"

"Uh, any old one will do, Sheldon. Color scheme doesn't really matter."

"It doesn't? Well, what about the different types of knots? I'm no sailor, but I do know at least three, none of which seem to convey a sense of impending sexuality."

"Knot-type doesn't really matter, either."

"It doesn't? This whole tie on the door business is incredibly confusing. There's no method to the madness."

"No," Blaine agrees, stepping up to Sheldon's closet and pulling out one of his plain, navy blue ties. He makes a quick loop and sticks it onto the doorknob, leaving it hanging. "But method or not, it works."

Sheldon stares at the tie for a moment before nodding his head in agreement, then gestures for Blaine to come back inside the room and pushes the door shut.

When the door is shut behind them, tie firmly on the doorknob, Blaine kisses him again, deep and searching and Sheldon will never get used to the feel of someone's tongue in his mouth, ever. The doorknob digs into his back and his heart rate speeds up as he quickly becomes aroused. Blaine's hands are on his hips and for the first time in his life, Sheldon actively yearns for someone to touch him more than they presently are.

"Your kisses are more sensual than your equations," Sheldon tells him, and Blaine laughs, his lips still pressed against Sheldon's.

"They are, huh?"

"Oh, yes. Quite erotic. I had dreams about your equations, you know, but I think they'll be replaced by this quite soon."

"What if I come up with something sexier than the kissing?"

"I can't imagine what would be more erotic than this."

"Remember what you were practicing earlier?"

"Oh, is it time to do that now? Very well."

He reaches for Blaine's belt buckle, but Blaine stops him.

"No, Sheldon. I meant I was going to do it to you."

"Oh...no."

"No?"

"No."

"You seriously don't want a blow job?"

"The human mouth has thousands of bacteria—"

"Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"You've just spent the last five minutes kissing me."

"Oh."

"Take your pants off."

"All right."

When his pants are pooled around his ankles and Sheldon is staring at Blaine as he backs him up towards his bed before tugging his underwear off, he realizes he feels naked beyond his lack of clothes, exposed in a way he's never quite been before, and finds that he doesn't mind as much as he thought he would. Of course, this could be because Blaine chooses that moment to wrap his lips around Sheldon's penis, but Sheldon likes to think it's more than physical.

"Is that okay?" Blaine asks, smoothing his thumbs across Sheldon's thighs.

"Y—yes."

"You're stuttering."

"You're touching me."

"Yeah. I am."

"You can...you can keep touching me, if you'd like. Or I could touch you. I practiced."

"I know. You told me."

"I'm not very comfortable with physical intimacy."

"I can tell."

"You can...if you want. You don't have to, but it would be nice."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"Are you asking me to suck your cock again?"

"I—yes."

Blaine smiles at him and then his mouth is back on Sheldon again.

"Blaine?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"This feels good."

"I'm glad."

"If this were a pornographic video, I'm sure I would be moaning like a cat in heat."

"You can moan if you want."

"I'm not really a moaner. Anyway, continue."

Blaine's mouth feels good around him and Sheldon could probably ejaculate from it if he wanted, but there are still things he wants to do.

"Blaine?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"You can stop now. I think I'd like to try it on you now."

"How about you try it on me next time? It'll give you another whole week with your bananas and your lollipops to get good."

"Well, all right, but what will we do in the meantime?"

"I was thinking I would keep blowing you while I get you ready for my cock."

"Oh, you want to have intercourse with me. I was wondering if you'd changed your mind after the implications of the word, 'mate' earlier."

"No, I still want to."

"All right. There's lubricant in that drawer. I bought some for when I was conducting the experiment. There are condoms in there, too."

"Thanks. Just...try to relax, okay?"

"Yes, I understand the concept of relaxing the muscles so as to permit penetration."

"No, I meant...just relax. You're kind of...twitchy."

"Well, the only other time I had sex with a man, this part lasted for the time it took to get from the front door to the bed and then it was pretty much a mess of limbs. Very undignified. Felt exceedingly pleasurable, though."

Blaine chuckles. "Well...like you said. This time there are feelings involved. Paradigms shifting and all."

"Yes. Continue."

Blaine flicks the bottle open and then his mouth is back on Sheldon even as one of his fingers presses inside of him, and Sheldon can't fight the fact that he feels, quite suddenly, like an extremely sexual being. He's always known that he was, of course, having spent his entire life with all the required sexual organs and occasionally masturbating when he needed the stress release. But he's never quite felt this way before, like he wasn't just sexual to himself, but to other people, too.

And Blaine definitely finds him sexual. From the way he touches Sheldon to the soft noises he makes around Sheldon's penis, Sheldon can see that Blaine wants him in more than a passing way.

He would never flatter himself to ignore the biochemical reaction behind it all, but there's something to be said for Blaine finding him, "charming" that has nothing to do with science at all.

When Blaine seems satisfied that Sheldon is ready to accept him, he rolls the condom on, hooks Sheldon's legs around his waist, and pushes into him slowly and carefully.

When this happened the first time, it was fast and painful and even though that had turned out well, it had hurt at first and made Sheldon cry out.

But this isn't like that at all. That had been pure anger and this is something else entirely, something Sheldon won't let himself think of because as a concept, he's still not sure it actually exists, but it's immeasurably better than the first time and he smiles at Blaine when he's all the way inside to let him know that everything is still okay.

And then Blaine is moving inside him, the head of his penis rubbing against Sheldon's prostate and making him pant with want. He remembers this part, the way it felt like he was going to explode if something didn't happen. He knew it was physically impossible and that's how he knew he'd crossed over into the place where his mind had ceased to be the controlling factor of his body and primal instinct had taken over. That's what it feels like now, like his body is on fire and Blaine is stoking the flames, and Sheldon finds himself saying things that make him want to blush, using words his mother would wash his mouth out with soap for, and asking Blaine to do more, to make him orgasm so he can have some kind of relief.

Blaine licks his palm and then his hand is back on Sheldon's cock—where did that word come from? Sheldon doesn't even like that word—and he climaxes with a shout of the worst word of all, the one that would've gotten his chemistry set taken away from him for at least a month.

And then Blaine is still moving, still moving closer to his own climax, and he's kissing Sheldon sloppily, all tongues and saliva and it should be repugnant but it's not, and he bites down on Sheldon's lower lip as his own orgasm washes over him.

Sheldon doesn't normally allow anyone to sleep in his bed other than himself, not even his past sexual encounters, but it's late and the thought of getting dressed again and walking Blaine to his apartment seems tedious, so he invites him to stay, on the condition that he promises not to use Sheldon's toothbrush in the morning. Blaine agrees, and so the two of them compress themselves into his too-small-for-two-people bed and go to sleep.

When he wakes the next morning, he puts on his robe and leaves his spare out where Blaine will find it and heads into the kitchen to make his morning bowl of cereal. Feeling oddly chipper, he chooses from the low-fiber end of the shelf.

"Morning," Leonard says, sipping his coffee. "How was the date?"

"Productive," Sheldon answers.

"Did you two—"

"Engage in coitus? Yes. It was extremely pleasant."

"Well...um. Good, then. Congratulations, Sheldon. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you. Would you mind leaving a cup of coffee for Blaine? I don't know if he drinks it, but when he wakes up, I'm sure he'll let you know."

"W—wakes up? You mean he's still here?"

"Of course he is."

"You actually let him stay the night?"

"Yes."

"In your bed?"

"Yes."

"What's happening to you?"

"I'm not sure. It involves my paradigm shifting, though I'm still studying the neuro-chemical reaction to Blaine that caused it."

"Caused what?" Blaine asks, rubbing at his eyes as he joins them in the kitchen, wearing only Sheldon's spare robe.

"My paradigm shift," Sheldon explains. "I was explaining it to Leonard."

"Oh. Yeah. Coffee?"

"Over there," Sheldon says, pointing it out. "There are mugs in the cabinet above it and creamer in the refrigerator if you require it."

"Thanks," Blaine says, smiling sleepily and pressing a soft kiss to Sheldon's shoulder as he passes by on his way to the coffee.

Leonard gapes.

"Sheldon, I don't want you to be alarmed, but I think you may be sick."

"Not possible. I've been very careful to limit my exposure to germs lately."

Blaine takes a sip of his coffee and sighs in relief. "Okay. Sorry. I'm human again. Good morning, Leonard."

"Morning," Leonard says, but his jaw falls open when Blaine's arm slides around Sheldon's back and his hand comes to rest on Sheldon's hip.

"And morning to you, too," he murmurs, lips pressed against the shell of Sheldon's ear.

"Something very strange is going on," Leonard murmurs. "I think I'm in the Twilight Zone."

"Is it really so impossible to believe that I'm being physically affectionate with someone?" Sheldon asks.

"Yes," Leonard says flatly. "It's insane. What have you done with the real Sheldon?"

"I could've asked the same thing when Penny moved in across the hall and you rejected reason for madness."

"You did ask me that."

"Yes, well, I was worried."

"So am I."

"Okay, I'm going to go take a shower, if that's all right," Blaine says. "Sheldon, would you like to join me?"

"Join you? In the shower? That's absurd. That's—oh. Oh, I see. Yes. A shower would be pleasant."

He hears Leonard groan as he follows Blaine to the bathroom, but then the door is locked behind them and Blaine asks, "You want to try what you practiced now?"

Sheldon nods vigorously and follows Blaine as he backs up against the wall and unties his robe, letting it fall open. Sheldon licks his lips as he lowers himself to his knees and wonders, in the cosmic scheme of things, if it even matters whether or not he's good at this. After all, Blaine likes him and seems more than willing to teach Sheldon the things he doesn't know about sex, so maybe it won't matter if he does it wrong. Maybe Blaine will just smile and offer him tips.

It's weird to have someone's penis in his mouth. It's firmer than the banana had been and also slightly larger. He supposes he should mention that at some point as a compliment, but at the moment, his mouth is otherwise occupied. The taste is better than the banana peel too, though that might be because the banana was showered in pesticides before Leslie gave it to him.

He takes her advice about keeping his hand on the base and working only the head with his mouth, and Blaine seems to enjoy that, even making encouraging noises to let Sheldon know he's doing it right.

He feels oddly pleased with himself, knowing his hard work, studying, and practicing has paid off in a pleasant experience for Blaine. He considers it repaying the favor after last night when Blaine gave him what can only be called the best sex of his life—though, to be objective, the event didn't have much competition to begin with.

Blaine's fingers comb through his hair even as his own eyes close as he lets his head drop back against the wall. Sheldon watches in utter fascination at the sight of this man slowly coming apart because of something he did and wonders if it's possible that well-placed fellatio is secretly the key to world domination.

"Sheldon," Blaine gasps. "That's good, Shel. Can you use your tongue a little more? Yeah, that's it."

Though Sheldon would normally object to being called "Shel," he lets it slide due to having experienced first hand the night before just how easy it is during sex to say words one would not normally say.

"Sheldon—" Blaine murmurs. "Slow down or I'm going to come."

"Isn't that the point?" Sheldon asks. "Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but isn't the object of oral sex to make you orgasm?"

"I—yeah, it is."

"So then I'm doing well."

"Yes."

Sheldon smiles and returns to his task, lapping up the fluid leaking out of Blaine's penis. He can feel him getting close and feels excitement pooling in his belly, the knowledge that he's affecting Blaine this way running through him like an electric current.

He knows his technique is less than perfect, but that will come with time and experience. The goal right now is simply to make Blaine feel good like he made Sheldon feel last night, not only physically, but mentally as well. Knowing that Blaine likes him and wasn't angry with him during the intercourse had made the entire experience more mentally erotic than his first was, and he wants to give that back to Blaine now, though he realizes Blaine has probably had sex without that angry component before.

"Shel—fuck, Sheldon—" Blaine gasps, and then he's ejaculating into Sheldon's mouth.

He hesitates before attempting to swallow it and discovers that it doesn't taste as bad as he expected, though not something he'd ever particularly crave for Sunday dinner.

A small amount of semen runs down the corner of his mouth and Blaine reaches out to wipe it off his chin.

"Pardon me for sounding like a woman," Sheldon says after he's washed his mouth out with a Dixie Cup full of water, "but was that good?"

"Yeah, Sheldon. That was good," Blaine answers, and then they're kissing again as Blaine flicks the shower on and they stumble inside.




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