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Title: Waiting
Rating: PG
Fandom: BtVS
Pairing: Xander/Andrew
Word Count: 1,037
Written for: loridi won me in the last Sweet Charity auction and requested Xander/Andrew post-Chosen fic.
Summary: They've never been on a date.
Disclaimer: Joss is Boss, people. I own nothing except the DVDs.



Andrew had had a crush on Xander since that day he tied Andrew to a chair in one of the upstairs bedrooms at Buffy's house in Sunnydale. Maybe that was weird, especially since he tied them too tightly and it hurt, but Andrew had never exactly been normal, and he was used to liking things that hurt, as that whole thing with Warren could attest to.

But he didn't say anything. Xander still had feelings for Anya and after they moved past that whole hitting-him-in-the-face thing, Andrew and Anya had become friends. And they made for compelling footage on his documentary, anyway.

But six months after Anya died and Sunnydale became a giant crater in the ground, Giles had assigned the two of them to the same apartment while they underwent formal Watcher training. Xander complained a lot, since he'd been working with Buffy for seven years before that, but Andrew didn't mind, since it meant they got to spend a lot of time alone together.

And then...things happened. And after that, more things started to happen. Instead of sitting on opposite sides of the couch, they sat closer and sometimes Xander would let Andrew kiss him during the commercials. Once, they'd made a bet that Andrew couldn't get him off before the show came back and Xander had lost spectacularly.

It was good.

Except that Xander never holds his hand outside of the apartment. They've never been on a date. Any time Andrew uses the word "relationship," Xander pulls away from him and they don't have sex for the next two days. Longer, if they wouldn't have gotten to anyway because of some sort of impending disaster.

And now Andrew comes home to find Xander hanging a picture of himself and Anya at their senior prom on the wall. And Andrew likes Anya a lot, but she's not here anymore. He is. He's dating Xander now and Xander needs to realize that.

"Where'd you get that?" he asks. He's trying not to resort to stomping his foot and pissing Xander off, but he really, really wants to.

Xander glances at him over at his shoulder and shrugs. "Willow didn't want to lose all our old pictures so she scanned a bunch of them into her computer and uploaded them onto the internet before..." He shakes his head. "Before everything. So I just downloaded it and printed out a copy. Why?"

Andrew folds his arms across his chest and stares at Xander, trying to make him realize it without Andrew actually having to say it. When it becomes clear that's not going to happen, he says, "It's my apartment, too. I'm allowed to be curious about the decorations."

Xander nods and goes back to straightening the painting. "You know today's her birthday? Well, kind of. She forgot her original birthday since it was so long ago, so we celebrated the day she became human. And don't think that didn't piss her off, 'cause it did. But she let it slide when she found out it meant getting presents and birthday sex."

Andrew closes his eyes and tries not to think about the kind of birthday sex Xander and Anya used to have. It was probably kinky. Xander is never kinky with him, even though Andrew has told him at least three times that he wouldn't mind.

He feels like he should say something, anything, to make sure that Xander gets it, but he can't think of anything to say without upsetting him.

He just feels like he's a replacement for her instead of a boyfriend in his own right, and...well, he's done that before. He was a replacement for Katrina to Warren and he doesn't want to be a replacement for Anya to Xander, especially not when he cared about Anya, too.

"She's not Patrick Swayze," he blurts.

"What?"

"She's not going to come back and possess me so you and her can sculpt together. Or do anything else. It's been a really long time since you and me started having close encounters of the sexual kind together and it's like you're still waiting."

"Andrew, trust me. I'm more than aware that you're not her."

That feels like a slap in the face, but Andrew refuses to recoil.

"I know you miss her. I miss her, too. And I miss Jonathan and Warren and Spike. But they're not around anymore. You and me are."

"I loved her," Xander says harshly.

"And I loved Warren. And I loved Jonathan. And I really, really kind of hoped that Spike would have sex with me, but that's not really the same. But I loved them, and now I've started loving you. Why can't you do that?"

Xander stares at him and Andrew realizes moments too late that he's said something he can't take back.

"You what?"

"I still love them," Andrew says, even though that's not going to make this better. "I just...love you, too, now."

"I...I gotta go," Xander says, and before Andrew can stop him, he's out of the apartment and closing the door behind him.

***


It's almost midnight when Andrew feels someone shake him and he flails his arms wildly trying to knock the intruder off. He never knows when he's going to be attacked and he constantly dreads it, but when he opens his eyes, he sees that it's not an attacker.

"Xander?"

Xander stares at him with his good eye, holding Andrew's gaze with his like this is something very, very important and Andrew should definitely pay attention.

"I talked to Willow," he says, licking his lips. "'Cause she's my best friend and she understands this."

"Understands what?"

"When she kissed Kennedy after Tara died...you remember what happened. And I've been kissing you for six months and it's a good thing I don't have her witchy mojo, because God knows what I'd be at this point if I did. So I talked to her, and...look, I can't just...say it. I'm not there yet, Andrew. But I think maybe one day, I will be. So I'm sorry for what I did. And if you give me time, I think I can—"

Andrew doesn't make him finish the sentence. He'd much rather kiss Xander instead.

Date: 2008-12-09 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lazigyrl.livejournal.com
Thank you. Great job capturing both Xander and Andrew.

Date: 2008-12-09 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guest-age.livejournal.com
Thanks. :)

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