Return [Seventh chapter of the "Heal" series] ; eventual Ryan/Seth ; PG-13 (currently)

[myfics]

Title: Return [Part 7 of the "Heal" series]
Paring: Eventual Seth/Ryan, all other canon-things.
Rating: PG-13 for now.
Word Count: 2,441 (this chapter)
Summary: A hypothetical fourth season, continuing all current storylines, with eventual Seth/Ryan.
Disclaimer: Me = Poor. Josh Schwartz = Both very ballsy and extremely rich. Note the difference.
Spoilers: For everything. Literally.
Notes: Thanks to dancinbutterfly for her help/beta on this chapter, and also for kick-starting my muse. Also, I'm writing this to prove that Seth/Ryan is still possible, now more than ever, so it'll continue ALL the storylines from the season 3 finale, meaning it does not focus TOTALLY on Ryan/Seth, though it mostly will. Please enjoy.
Part One can be found HERE
Part Two can be found HERE
Part Three can be found HERE
Part Four can be found HERE
Part Five can be found HERE
Part Six can be found HERE



'Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
Where they’re far more suited than here
- "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie





Seth wakes up with a snort when he feels the press of lips against his own, and he tries not to have flashbacks to yesterday when he’d kissed Ryan. Summer’s lips are softer and less chapped, but deep down he knows he still prefers Ryan’s and that’s got more than a slight suck-factor to it.

“Good morning,” Summer whispers, and Seth’s heart breaks because he knows she’s forgiven him already and she doesn’t even know what he needs to be forgiven for.

He considers telling her for about half a second, then pictures the carnage she’d inflict on both Ryan and him, and decides that old habits should die hard and pulls another Brown on her and keeps his mouth shut.

“Good morning,” he says.

“I love you,” she says, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his chest.

Seth’s mouth opens and he wants to say the words. He really, really does. He wants it to be easy like it was right before Ryan left, when the four of them were all happy together, but he knows that it’ll never go back to that. Any hope he was still carrying for that had died with Marissa. Died in Ryan’s arms. Ryan.

Seth remembers when he was 10 years old. It was the first time Luke called him queer. Luke had been taunting him for four years, ever since he'd moved to Newport when he was 6; until then, the big insults had been "dork" or "loser". Suddenly, they changed - suddenly they became "queer" or "fag" and suddenly he was getting beat up way more often.

He remembers the first time he heard that word. He was sitting on the curb in front of the school, waiting on his mom to pick him up. Luke came by and pushed him and said, “You’re in my way, queer.”

When Seth got home, he’d looked up that word, and his heart fell right out of his chest.

It was the first time he realized that he wasn’t normal. He knew he was a little weird, talking to a plastic horse and listening to depressing music all the time, but it was the first time he realized that he wasn’t going to grow out of his abnormality, that he was pretty much this way for life. He was different and he was weird and he wasn’t ever going to get better.

He cried alone in his room that night and didn’t tell anyone why.

But eventually he’d been called that so many times that it just sort of went to the back of his mind and he didn’t even think about it anymore. It was a part of him, yet some how completely separate from his life. It was almost a routine, something that started and ended his day, Luke Ward calling him queer before and after school. It was a ritual.

Then Ryan came along, and even though he stopped getting called it, he started to feel it. Like Ryan came into his life and broke down the wall he’d built around “queer” and it was suddenly colliding with the rest of him.

He tried to focus on Summer because he finally got her after all those years of trying, and when Luke’s dad came out, Seth tried really hard to stop his mind from comparing himself to Carson.

But he did see himself in Carson. A lot of himself, actually, especially when Carson left, just like he’d always wanted to until Ryan came along. So when Ryan left, he had nothing holding him to Newport anymore, and he sailed away.

He’d never admit it to anyone, but he knew exactly where he was going when he got on his boat and sailed off.

He snaps back to the present with Summer staring at him. “Me, too,” he says finally, coughing slightly to cover it. She hums low in her throat contentedly and Seth decides that he’s the world’s biggest bastard.

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he finally says, “I gotta…I gotta go,” for the second time in twenty four hours and makes a break for it before she can respond.

*

Neil asks Julie where her wallet is so that he can pay for the food they ordered from the Thai restaurant on the pier. He’s taking a break from work for the next few weeks to be with her. No one questioned him when he asked for the time off. She tells him that it’s in her purse so he opens it and pulls her wallet out. Inside is a card advertising a support group for parents who’ve lost their children. It’s a place called “You Can Heal”. He takes the money and the card and pays the delivery guy before heading back into the living room with the food and the card.

“Julie?” he asks, setting the containers down on the table. “What’s this?”

He holds out the card and she freezes. “It’s…it’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” he says, sitting next to her and taking her hand.

“It’s just…that woman. That Gwen Harper…you remember? Her son died on the cliffs? She…she saw Kaitlin and me out on our shopping trip the other day and handed me the card.”

“Have you gone?”

“No.”

Neil pauses, trying to find the words. “I…I think you should go,” he says finally.

“What? I don’t need that, I’m fine.”

“Julie, you’re not fine. You were crying for three hours the other night because Kaitlin didn’t like her dress.”

“It was about more than the dress and you know it,” she snaps.

“That’s exactly my point. Julie, listen. I love you, and I want to help you, but…I think this place could help you. These people have been through this. They can help you better than I can because I haven’t.”

“Are you…” Julie paused, looking outraged. “Are you actually…flaunting the fact that my daughter is dead and yours isn’t?”

“No, of course not, Julie! I’m not doing that at all.”

“YOU STILL HAVE A DAUGHTER LEFT IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED!” a voice shouts from the doorway.

Both Neil and Julie snap their heads around and find Kaitlin standing at the living room entrance, crying.

Neil watches as Julie jumps up and runs towards Kaitlin. “I know that baby,” she says, but Kaitlin turns and runs back upstairs. Julie rounds on Neil and snaps, “Look what you just did,” before leaving the house, slamming the door behind her.

Neil sits on the couch, trying to figure out what the hell he did wrong. Finally Summer comes downstairs and sits next to him.

“What just happened?” she asks, opening one of the containers.

“I don’t know,” Neil answers honestly.

*

Sandy gets the call exactly five minutes before he leaves the office that afternoon. He’d called earlier in the morning and told the cops to be looking for the stolen car, and when his phone rings, he’s not even hoping that anything will have happened yet.

But something has. The car was spotted in Nebraska and the Nebraskan police are on Volchok’s trail. He hasn’t been caught yet, but they have some leads and things are looking up. Sandy rejoices at the fact that he’s finally done something useful to his family, then remembers that he wouldn’t have even known about the car if not for Ryan, and sighs.

When he gets home, he heads out to the pool house to talk to Ryan about it, but the door is locked. He looks through the windows and doesn’t see Seth, which is weird, so he heads up to Seth’s bedroom. Seth is in his bed, mimicking Ryan’s efforts in the pool house, covers pulled tightly up over his head, a trail of white headphone cord going from the docking station his iPod sits in, disappearing up under the covers. Sandy reaches over and unplugs the headphones from the top of the iPod and within three seconds, Seth’s head pops up from under the covers.

“Hello, my son,” Sandy says. “Long time, no see.”

Seth groans and plugs the headphones back in, so Sandy reaches over and pulls them away before Seth can stop him. He dangles them above Seth’s reach and says, “We talk, then you get them back.”

“Fine,” Seth grumbles.

Sandy sits down in the end of the bed and says with a cheery sarcastic demeanor, “So, how’ve you been?”

“Lovely,” Seth snaps. “Just peachy keen.”

“I can tell from the general broodiness the room has taken on.”

“It’s not brooding, Dad. It’s agonizing. There’s a difference.”

“So why aren’t you in the pool house doing your agonizing?”

“Long story,” Seth mutters.

“Something happen between you and Ryan?”

Seth’s eyes snap open and he says, “No! I mean…no. What would make you think that? Did I say ‘no’ already? ‘Cause no.”

Sandy raises an eyebrow. “Kid, you get weirder every day. Have I ever told you that?”

“Yeah, well, that’s me. I’m one with the weirdness. Can I have my headphones back now?”

“No. The pool house is locked and you have the only key.”

“It’s over there,” Seth points to his desk.

Sandy grabs the key and tosses Seth back his headphones.

“Word of advice, kid. Whatever happened, it’s probably not worth all this. Ryan needs you right now.”

Seth responds by pulling the covers back up over his head.

*

Kirsten folds her hands in her lap and looks at Dr. Abdel-Hadi.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on lately, Kirsten?” the doctor asks.

“Marissa died,” she says.

“And…were you very close to her? I know we discussed this at our first meeting, but I wanted to clarify.”

“Not…not really. I mean, I cared for her, but I wouldn’t say that we were particularly close.”

“Then why are you taking her death so hard?”

“I…” Kirsten pauses, searching for the right words. “I think it’s because when I looked at her…I saw me.”

“How’s that?”

“I mean, she grew up under similar circumstances to me. The…the only difference is that I got out, and I met Sandy and…and he saved me. He pulled me away from that.”

“But Marissa didn’t meet someone like that?”

“No, she did. That’s…that’s the problem. She met our son, Ryan, the one I told you about, and…and things didn’t work out for them like they did for Sandy and I.”

“So…are you upset that she didn’t get a life like yours or…?”

“I guess…I guess I’m thinking about what my life would be if Sandy and I had broken up. Or…or if I’d never met him to begin with. She was almost mine, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

Kirsten took a deep breath. “Marissa’s father and I…we were a couple in high school. Senior year I got pregnant and I knew that if I told anyone, my dad would make me marry Jimmy and I didn’t want the Newport life. So…so I had an abortion and went away to college and met Sandy.”

“So…you’re thinking…”

“I’m thinking what if I’d had that baby? What if Marissa was mine and this happened? And…and I guess I also wonder what would’ve happened to Sandy if he hadn’t met me.”

“What’s happening to Ryan?” the doctor asks.

“He hasn’t come out of the pool house except for the funeral. The only person he’ll let in for more than five minutes is Seth.”

“Your other son?”

“Yes.”

The doctor is giving her a weird look.

“What?” Kirsten asks.

“Nothing,” the doctor says quietly. “Kirsten, I’m sorry, but our time together is up. I’ll see you on Monday.”

Kirsten says goodbye and gets up, still wondering what that look meant.

*

Ryan can’t sleep. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Marissa in his arms and then her face slowly morphs into Seth’s, only, just before Seth takes his final breath, he whispers, “I love you,”—something Marissa didn’t do. He opens his eyes and tries to wipe the image from his brain, but no matter what he does, he keeps seeing Seth confess love just before it’s too late, and then die.

All awkwardness be damned, Ryan wishes Seth would come back to the pool house because he would feel so much better if Seth was there and he could see him and touch him. He needs to feel that Seth is real, that he’s not going to leave, because he just can’t take it.

He considers going up to Seth’s bedroom, but he doesn’t know what he’d do when he got there, so he just stays, pacing around the room.

He tries to focus on the positive things, like what Sandy told him earlier, about Volchok being spotted in Nebraska, and even though he knows that should be his main focus right now—putting Marissa’s killer behind bars—he can’t get the kiss out of his head.

Ryan remembers the first time he heard the word “queer.”

He and Theresa had been playing on the swings in kindergarten when Trey and his friends had come over.

“What are you doing, little brother?” Trey had asked.

“Swinging,” Ryan answered.

“I see that. What are you, Ryan? Some kind of pansy? Only girls and queers play on swing sets. Are you a queer, Ryan?”

Ryan wasn’t sure then what a queer was, but the way Trey spat out the word, he knew he didn’t want to be one, whatever it was. “No,” he said, shaking his head emphatically no.

“Come with us,” Trey said. “We’ll show you what real boys do during their recesses.”

That was how Ryan had ended up hanging out with Trey and his friends, and looking back now, he wishes he’d just answered Trey’s question with “yes” because it would’ve saved him a lot of trouble in life.

But then again, if not for Trey and his trouble, he wouldn’t have met the Cohens.

He wouldn’t have met Seth.

Ryan sits down on the bed and puts his head in his hands, wishing that whatever dream he’s in would just be over already.

Then he hears a knock on the pool house door and he’s one hundred percent sure it’s a dream because Seth is holding a blanket and a pillow and standing in his doorway.

“Can I come in?” Seth asks in a small voice.

Ryan nearly chokes as he says, “Yes.”

Seth comes in the pool house and sets his stuff down on the floor before lying down on the ground.

“You can sleep on the bed, Seth,” Ryan says.

“No,” Seth says quietly. “I can’t.”

Ryan just nods because there isn’t anything else to say.







So um...that's chapter 7. I hope you don't hate me, but come on, this is The O.C., and even the most obvious things get dragged out to the point where you're screaming in frustration for the wait to just be over. Josh is a cocktease like that, and I'm trying to be, too, even if I did slip and let them kiss. ;-) So um...please review because the more interest there is, the more guilt I feel for delaying writing the next chapter, so more reviews = more guilt = me writing/updating quicker. :) *mwah*