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myficsTitle: In [Part Four of the "Trials" series, a sequel to "Heal"]
Paring: Seth/Ryan
Rating: R
Word Count: 2,024 (this chapter)
Summary: Ryan and Seth are finally together, but now Ryan's got one very big problem. Something's stopping him from really being with Seth.
Disclaimer: Me = Poor. Josh Schwartz = Both very ballsy and extremely rich. Note the difference.
Spoilers: For everything. Literally.
Notes: This is a sequel to "Heal", which you'll want to read before you read this. All 12 chapters of "Heal" can be found here.
Part One can be found HERE
Part Two can be found HERE
Part Three can be found HERE
Kaitlin is pissed at her mom. Granted, she’s always pissed at her mom, but this is different. This her mom ruining her social life. Or at least forcing her to pretend like she has one at Harbor High. Honestly, a few months ago she had a dream of running this place. And what does she have now? A criminal record and some guy who she sits with at lunch, doesn’t talk to, and doesn’t even know the name of. And her mom expects her to somehow find a date in this vast mess of loser wannabes for the wedding. In only a month. Fucking Julie Cooper. Honestly, who gets married on Christmas? How self-centered must a person be to think that their wedding is more important than the death of Jesus?
Or whatever that holiday is about.
It’s not fair. How’s she supposed to get a date to the wedding in this mess? No one talks to her at school, and the only she’s met in the past few months who was even remotely cute was some guy in the hospital during her candystriping days, and she found out that he was in there for some sort of…fungus-y thing on his dick. And, you know, ew.
Kaitlin has already asked out four guys this morning and they’ve all turned her down. One of them even laughed at her. Two of them ran away screaming and laughing, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!”
She’s really getting tired of the “ha-ha your sister is both a gunman and dead” jokes. Honestly, like she chose Marissa as her sister. If Kaitlin could chose her sister, she’d chose someone cool. Like…well, no. Actually, if Kaitlin could chose, she wouldn’t have a sister at all. Or a step-sister, either. Thank God Summer went back to Brown for the rest of the semester today. She’s sick of looking at her, and more importantly her and Luke. They’re sickening. Mostly because Kaitlin still kind of has a crush on Luke, but also because it’s always disgusting to see other people happy with each other when you don’t have anyone to be happy with.
Kaitlin sighs and flops down on her seat next to No Name Boy and takes a sip of her Diet Coke. She pulls out her notebook and a copy of last-year’s yearbook. After crossing out Marissa’s name and drawing the obligatory fake mustache and Harry Potter glasses on the picture, she turns to the section with kids roughly her own age and makes a list of all the worthy boys. She crosses off the four she’s already asked out and then sighs, tapping her pen against the paper.
“You spelled Lutsy wrong.”
“What?” Kaitlin asks, looking up from the yearbook to see that No Name Boy is talking to her.
“Lutsy. You spelled it wrong. It’s L-U-T-S-Y, not L-U-S-T-Y. The way you’ve spelled it, it’s ‘Lusty.’”
“Since when are you the spelling expert?” Kaitlin snaps, even though she changes it immediately.
“It’s my name. I think I know how to spell my own name.”
“Oh.” She glances down at the paper and reads the full name. “So you’re Charlie Lutsy?”
“Yeah. What’s that list for?”
“Potential dates. My mom’s getting remarried next month.”
“And I made the list? Awesome.”
“That was before I knew you were the geek who sat alone ‘til I came along.”
“You’d be alone if not for me,” Charlie points out.
“Well, my aloneness isn’t my fault. It’s stupid Marissa’s fault.” She pauses. “Why do you sit alone? You’re hot, you should have friends and stuff.”
“I used to. Until I realized how vapid they all are. I’d rather just be alone. Besides, they all found out that I’ve got the biggest collection of Star Wars memorabilia in the tri-county area, and that sort of bumped me off the cool list.”
Kaitlin laughs and starts to say something, but the bell rings.
“See you tomorrow for lunch, Kaitlin Cooper,” he says.
“See you.”
Kaitlin watches him walk away before muttering, “Dork,” under her breath and crossing his name off the list.
*
Summer stops by the Cohens’ to apologize to Seth about the night before, but Seth’s not there. He’s gone, been replaced by something who vaguely looks like him, but who reeks of hard liquor and who is, at the moment, lying flat on his back muttering Ryan’s name.
“Uh…Seth? Or Sethient being?”
“Mmm?” Seth mutters, not looking at her.
“What’s going on?”
“Nuffing…” Seth slurs. “Just instead of making up, Ryan’s decided to break up.”
“What? Why?”
“’Cuz you made with the mackage and Ryan’s hates to share.”
Summer watches Seth roll over on his stomach and pull the pillow over his head. She sighs heavily and leaves Seth to his misery, taking the liquor bottles with her and heading down to the pool house instead. She should be talking to Ryan instead.
She finds Ryan in the pool house in a similar state, only minus the hard liquor.
“What are you doing here?” he asks angrily from his spot on the bed.
“I’m here to knock some sense into you,” Summer says. “Though whether with actual force or not is up to you.”
“Lemme get this straight. You make out with my boyfriend, and you’re the one who’s mad?”
“I didn’t make out with your boyfriend, Ryan. You didn’t see what you think you saw. He was just trying to hug me and I misread it and he freaked out and got mad and he was totally about you, okay? It wasn’t his fault. If you want to be pissed at anyone, then be pissed at me. And while you’re at it, get up off your ass, go upstairs, and make up with Seth.”
“Look,” Ryan sighs, “even if you’re telling the truth, we were having problems before.”
“I know that.”
“So maybe we just aren’t…meant to be together.”
Summer blinks at Ryan. “Aren’t…meant to be together? Ryan. Think about it. Think about what the two of you have been through together, and I don’t just mean since graduation. Do you honestly think you aren’t?”
“It’s just too hard. It shouldn’t be this hard.”
Summer sighs and sits down next to Ryan on the bed. “Let me tell you something Ryan. Cohen’s a bastard. He’s a jackass and he’s a jealous idiot, and he’s probably the worst boyfriend in the history of the world.”
“You’re not helping, Summer.”
“Let me finish. He is all those things. But you know what? He’s also sweet. And funny. And he’s head over heels in love with you. And he’s worth it. At least to me he was. So I guess you need to figure out if he’s worth it to you. But let me tell you something, Ryan. You better figure it out soon. Because you’re breaking his heart. And if you keep at it, I’m going to break your face.”
Summer pats his shoulder and leaves the room. Let him think on it awhile. She has a plane to catch anyway.
*
Ryan sits there, letting Summer’s words stew in his mind. He knows she’s right and he knows she’s telling the truth, and it kills him that he’s letting this keep the two of them apart.
And then the question, “Is he worth it?” starts ringing in his head and he sighs, flopping back against the pillows. Of course Seth is worth it. He and Seth are worth it, because they’re perfect.
But there’s one thing he has to do first.
He grabs his jacket and his keys to the Range Rover and drives inland. He comes to the cemetery.
He figured that he’d have to come and visit her eventually, but he’d kind of hoped that someone would come with him when he did. But he knows he needs to be alone now. This is between him and Marissa.
“Hey,” he says, crouching down beside the grave and running his fingertips over the headstone. He pauses, then realizes that of course, it’s not going to answer, so he continues on. “Listen. I—I don’t know if I’m going crazy or if you’re really there when I’m with him, but…I just…” He feels tears stinging his eyes, and he fights them back with everything he’s got. “I still love you, you know. I don’t want you to think that I’ve forgotten about you. Because I haven’t, Marissa. I never will. I’ll love you until the day that I die. But…you’ve gotta go. I’m with Seth now. And you need to leave me…leave us alone. And I promise I’ll never forget you.”
He touches the grass softly, and though he could swear he was imagining it, he can almost feel it. Can almost feel her let him go. It’s a sort of glowing sensation that runs from the tip of his fingers all the way inward. And then.
The burden’s not gone. Not by a long shot. Ryan knows that he’ll be dealing with this, with what happened that night, for a long time to come, and he may never let go of it completely. But just then, Marissa let go of him.
And he’s ready to go home. To Seth.
*
Summer took all of Seth’s liquor when she was there earlier, and he doesn’t feel like going downstairs to find more, and even more importantly, he doesn’t feel like dealing with the fact that the bottles are there to begin with when there isn’t supposed to be anything alcoholic in the house because of his mom.
So Seth lays there in his room, the soft sounds of Journey filling the room. He hates Journey. But they remind him of Ryan, of Ryan’s warmth only not, of Ryan’s smile only wrong, of everything that he should have but doesn’t.
And then maybe it’s the after-effects of the alcohol wearing off, but he could swear he sees Ryan in his doorway.
“Hey,” Ryan says, leaning against the doorframe.
“Hey,” Seth says, sitting up a little straighter.
“I love you,” Ryan says simply.
Seth blinks at Ryan, who’s walking closer to him by the second and prays it isn’t a mirage. “I love you, too.”
And Ryan smiles and presses their lips together and then he’s in bed with Seth, one hand tangled in his hair and the other running up and down Seth’s back.
“I talked to Summer,” Ryan tells him.
“Oh.”
“She told me what happened. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
“I’m sorry I said…I’m so sorry, Ryan. I know I fucked everything up.”
“You didn’t,” Ryan says, kissing him again, and Seth knows it’s a lie, but he doesn’t care.
Because Ryan’s forgiven him and he’s kissing him and it feels like home.
Seth realizes belatedly that his mouth is probably atrocious from the liquor, but Ryan doesn’t seem to care, and Seth isn’t about to stop just to go brush his teeth.
Except now Ryan’s stopping, pulling away, and Seth makes a small noise of dissent in the back of his throat.
“What?” he asks impatiently.
But Ryan just smiles at him. “You’re worth it,” Ryan tells him, and Seth isn’t sure what that means, but the grin on Ryan’s face tells him that it’s a good thing, so he just smiles back.
“Can we--?” Seth asks.
“Not yet,” Ryan tells him. Seth groans, but Ryan puts his finger to Seth’s lips to shush him. “Not for why you think.”
“Why, then?”
“Because, I want to wait until after the trial is over.”
Seth groans again.
“It’s only a week away, you know,” Ryan tells him.
“But why?”
“I want to have that part of my life over and done with before I start this with you.”
Seth blinks at him before bursting out laughing. “You are such a girl,” he tells Ryan.
Ryan laughs and pulls him closer and says, “Can I sleep here tonight?”
Seth nods and lets Ryan wrap his arms around him before burying his head into Ryan’s chest.
It’s warm and inviting, and he hasn’t slept like this with Ryan in so long and he’s missed it so much.
He can wait a week. Right?
I let them make up. And I promise that I will not break them up again. But I'm not done. Won't be done until Julie's wedding. Then it's over for reals. Unless I decide to write another sequel in which Ryan goes to Berkeley for the spring semester and Seth goes to RISD and I get to write more angst of them being apart for a whole semester, cuz angst is fun. Teeheehee. /end naughtiness.
Paring: Seth/Ryan
Rating: R
Word Count: 2,024 (this chapter)
Summary: Ryan and Seth are finally together, but now Ryan's got one very big problem. Something's stopping him from really being with Seth.
Disclaimer: Me = Poor. Josh Schwartz = Both very ballsy and extremely rich. Note the difference.
Spoilers: For everything. Literally.
Notes: This is a sequel to "Heal", which you'll want to read before you read this. All 12 chapters of "Heal" can be found here.
Part One can be found HERE
Part Two can be found HERE
Part Three can be found HERE
Kaitlin is pissed at her mom. Granted, she’s always pissed at her mom, but this is different. This her mom ruining her social life. Or at least forcing her to pretend like she has one at Harbor High. Honestly, a few months ago she had a dream of running this place. And what does she have now? A criminal record and some guy who she sits with at lunch, doesn’t talk to, and doesn’t even know the name of. And her mom expects her to somehow find a date in this vast mess of loser wannabes for the wedding. In only a month. Fucking Julie Cooper. Honestly, who gets married on Christmas? How self-centered must a person be to think that their wedding is more important than the death of Jesus?
Or whatever that holiday is about.
It’s not fair. How’s she supposed to get a date to the wedding in this mess? No one talks to her at school, and the only she’s met in the past few months who was even remotely cute was some guy in the hospital during her candystriping days, and she found out that he was in there for some sort of…fungus-y thing on his dick. And, you know, ew.
Kaitlin has already asked out four guys this morning and they’ve all turned her down. One of them even laughed at her. Two of them ran away screaming and laughing, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!”
She’s really getting tired of the “ha-ha your sister is both a gunman and dead” jokes. Honestly, like she chose Marissa as her sister. If Kaitlin could chose her sister, she’d chose someone cool. Like…well, no. Actually, if Kaitlin could chose, she wouldn’t have a sister at all. Or a step-sister, either. Thank God Summer went back to Brown for the rest of the semester today. She’s sick of looking at her, and more importantly her and Luke. They’re sickening. Mostly because Kaitlin still kind of has a crush on Luke, but also because it’s always disgusting to see other people happy with each other when you don’t have anyone to be happy with.
Kaitlin sighs and flops down on her seat next to No Name Boy and takes a sip of her Diet Coke. She pulls out her notebook and a copy of last-year’s yearbook. After crossing out Marissa’s name and drawing the obligatory fake mustache and Harry Potter glasses on the picture, she turns to the section with kids roughly her own age and makes a list of all the worthy boys. She crosses off the four she’s already asked out and then sighs, tapping her pen against the paper.
“You spelled Lutsy wrong.”
“What?” Kaitlin asks, looking up from the yearbook to see that No Name Boy is talking to her.
“Lutsy. You spelled it wrong. It’s L-U-T-S-Y, not L-U-S-T-Y. The way you’ve spelled it, it’s ‘Lusty.’”
“Since when are you the spelling expert?” Kaitlin snaps, even though she changes it immediately.
“It’s my name. I think I know how to spell my own name.”
“Oh.” She glances down at the paper and reads the full name. “So you’re Charlie Lutsy?”
“Yeah. What’s that list for?”
“Potential dates. My mom’s getting remarried next month.”
“And I made the list? Awesome.”
“That was before I knew you were the geek who sat alone ‘til I came along.”
“You’d be alone if not for me,” Charlie points out.
“Well, my aloneness isn’t my fault. It’s stupid Marissa’s fault.” She pauses. “Why do you sit alone? You’re hot, you should have friends and stuff.”
“I used to. Until I realized how vapid they all are. I’d rather just be alone. Besides, they all found out that I’ve got the biggest collection of Star Wars memorabilia in the tri-county area, and that sort of bumped me off the cool list.”
Kaitlin laughs and starts to say something, but the bell rings.
“See you tomorrow for lunch, Kaitlin Cooper,” he says.
“See you.”
Kaitlin watches him walk away before muttering, “Dork,” under her breath and crossing his name off the list.
Summer stops by the Cohens’ to apologize to Seth about the night before, but Seth’s not there. He’s gone, been replaced by something who vaguely looks like him, but who reeks of hard liquor and who is, at the moment, lying flat on his back muttering Ryan’s name.
“Uh…Seth? Or Sethient being?”
“Mmm?” Seth mutters, not looking at her.
“What’s going on?”
“Nuffing…” Seth slurs. “Just instead of making up, Ryan’s decided to break up.”
“What? Why?”
“’Cuz you made with the mackage and Ryan’s hates to share.”
Summer watches Seth roll over on his stomach and pull the pillow over his head. She sighs heavily and leaves Seth to his misery, taking the liquor bottles with her and heading down to the pool house instead. She should be talking to Ryan instead.
She finds Ryan in the pool house in a similar state, only minus the hard liquor.
“What are you doing here?” he asks angrily from his spot on the bed.
“I’m here to knock some sense into you,” Summer says. “Though whether with actual force or not is up to you.”
“Lemme get this straight. You make out with my boyfriend, and you’re the one who’s mad?”
“I didn’t make out with your boyfriend, Ryan. You didn’t see what you think you saw. He was just trying to hug me and I misread it and he freaked out and got mad and he was totally about you, okay? It wasn’t his fault. If you want to be pissed at anyone, then be pissed at me. And while you’re at it, get up off your ass, go upstairs, and make up with Seth.”
“Look,” Ryan sighs, “even if you’re telling the truth, we were having problems before.”
“I know that.”
“So maybe we just aren’t…meant to be together.”
Summer blinks at Ryan. “Aren’t…meant to be together? Ryan. Think about it. Think about what the two of you have been through together, and I don’t just mean since graduation. Do you honestly think you aren’t?”
“It’s just too hard. It shouldn’t be this hard.”
Summer sighs and sits down next to Ryan on the bed. “Let me tell you something Ryan. Cohen’s a bastard. He’s a jackass and he’s a jealous idiot, and he’s probably the worst boyfriend in the history of the world.”
“You’re not helping, Summer.”
“Let me finish. He is all those things. But you know what? He’s also sweet. And funny. And he’s head over heels in love with you. And he’s worth it. At least to me he was. So I guess you need to figure out if he’s worth it to you. But let me tell you something, Ryan. You better figure it out soon. Because you’re breaking his heart. And if you keep at it, I’m going to break your face.”
Summer pats his shoulder and leaves the room. Let him think on it awhile. She has a plane to catch anyway.
Ryan sits there, letting Summer’s words stew in his mind. He knows she’s right and he knows she’s telling the truth, and it kills him that he’s letting this keep the two of them apart.
And then the question, “Is he worth it?” starts ringing in his head and he sighs, flopping back against the pillows. Of course Seth is worth it. He and Seth are worth it, because they’re perfect.
But there’s one thing he has to do first.
He grabs his jacket and his keys to the Range Rover and drives inland. He comes to the cemetery.
He figured that he’d have to come and visit her eventually, but he’d kind of hoped that someone would come with him when he did. But he knows he needs to be alone now. This is between him and Marissa.
“Hey,” he says, crouching down beside the grave and running his fingertips over the headstone. He pauses, then realizes that of course, it’s not going to answer, so he continues on. “Listen. I—I don’t know if I’m going crazy or if you’re really there when I’m with him, but…I just…” He feels tears stinging his eyes, and he fights them back with everything he’s got. “I still love you, you know. I don’t want you to think that I’ve forgotten about you. Because I haven’t, Marissa. I never will. I’ll love you until the day that I die. But…you’ve gotta go. I’m with Seth now. And you need to leave me…leave us alone. And I promise I’ll never forget you.”
He touches the grass softly, and though he could swear he was imagining it, he can almost feel it. Can almost feel her let him go. It’s a sort of glowing sensation that runs from the tip of his fingers all the way inward. And then.
The burden’s not gone. Not by a long shot. Ryan knows that he’ll be dealing with this, with what happened that night, for a long time to come, and he may never let go of it completely. But just then, Marissa let go of him.
And he’s ready to go home. To Seth.
Summer took all of Seth’s liquor when she was there earlier, and he doesn’t feel like going downstairs to find more, and even more importantly, he doesn’t feel like dealing with the fact that the bottles are there to begin with when there isn’t supposed to be anything alcoholic in the house because of his mom.
So Seth lays there in his room, the soft sounds of Journey filling the room. He hates Journey. But they remind him of Ryan, of Ryan’s warmth only not, of Ryan’s smile only wrong, of everything that he should have but doesn’t.
And then maybe it’s the after-effects of the alcohol wearing off, but he could swear he sees Ryan in his doorway.
“Hey,” Ryan says, leaning against the doorframe.
“Hey,” Seth says, sitting up a little straighter.
“I love you,” Ryan says simply.
Seth blinks at Ryan, who’s walking closer to him by the second and prays it isn’t a mirage. “I love you, too.”
And Ryan smiles and presses their lips together and then he’s in bed with Seth, one hand tangled in his hair and the other running up and down Seth’s back.
“I talked to Summer,” Ryan tells him.
“Oh.”
“She told me what happened. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
“I’m sorry I said…I’m so sorry, Ryan. I know I fucked everything up.”
“You didn’t,” Ryan says, kissing him again, and Seth knows it’s a lie, but he doesn’t care.
Because Ryan’s forgiven him and he’s kissing him and it feels like home.
Seth realizes belatedly that his mouth is probably atrocious from the liquor, but Ryan doesn’t seem to care, and Seth isn’t about to stop just to go brush his teeth.
Except now Ryan’s stopping, pulling away, and Seth makes a small noise of dissent in the back of his throat.
“What?” he asks impatiently.
But Ryan just smiles at him. “You’re worth it,” Ryan tells him, and Seth isn’t sure what that means, but the grin on Ryan’s face tells him that it’s a good thing, so he just smiles back.
“Can we--?” Seth asks.
“Not yet,” Ryan tells him. Seth groans, but Ryan puts his finger to Seth’s lips to shush him. “Not for why you think.”
“Why, then?”
“Because, I want to wait until after the trial is over.”
Seth groans again.
“It’s only a week away, you know,” Ryan tells him.
“But why?”
“I want to have that part of my life over and done with before I start this with you.”
Seth blinks at him before bursting out laughing. “You are such a girl,” he tells Ryan.
Ryan laughs and pulls him closer and says, “Can I sleep here tonight?”
Seth nods and lets Ryan wrap his arms around him before burying his head into Ryan’s chest.
It’s warm and inviting, and he hasn’t slept like this with Ryan in so long and he’s missed it so much.
He can wait a week. Right?
I let them make up. And I promise that I will not break them up again. But I'm not done. Won't be done until Julie's wedding. Then it's over for reals. Unless I decide to write another sequel in which Ryan goes to Berkeley for the spring semester and Seth goes to RISD and I get to write more angst of them being apart for a whole semester, cuz angst is fun. Teeheehee. /end naughtiness.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-09 08:48 pm (UTC)*looks at a/n*
you eeevil women >:S
*uses my body to shield darling seth from your wickedness*
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Date: 2006-07-09 08:50 pm (UTC)I'm glad you like it. :-D
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Date: 2006-07-09 09:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-09 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-09 10:23 pm (UTC)"Because you’re breaking his heart. And if you keep at it, I’m going to break your face.”
Classic!
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Date: 2006-07-09 10:36 pm (UTC)♥
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Date: 2006-07-09 10:53 pm (UTC)...is it totally wrong that I'm empathising more with he than the others? Nah. Kaitlin's cool.
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Date: 2006-07-09 11:28 pm (UTC)Thanks! :)
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Date: 2006-07-09 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-09 11:30 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked! ♥
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Date: 2006-07-23 09:04 am (UTC)Hmm.. either this is a typo, or intentional. I'm not sure because it might be simply something in-character of Kaitlin to either mix up religious holidays. I haven't watched any episodes with her in it. :P
no subject
Date: 2006-07-23 09:12 am (UTC)It's something I did for Kaitlin to be in-character. Promise, I wouldn't miss that big of a typo. :)