![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
myficsTitle: My Self-Improvement
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Todd/Doug, Keith/Elliot, Turk/Carla, past JD/Elliot.
Word Count: 5,334
Summary: Keith offers Elliot the chance to have a threesome with him and any other man at Sacred Heart, and The Todd has a secret admirer.
Disclaimer: Bill Lawrence & NBC own Scrubs. Not for profit.
Written for:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
scrubs_smutmas
Thank You: Toagirlcalledkil and dancinbutterfly for all their help and advice.
JD has worked in a hospital long enough to know that they are all about change. They're about sick people, too, but even then it's about changing their health condition. Everyone inside a hospital, whether they're ninety years or ninety seconds old, is trying to become something better than they are.
Being around this attitude can sometimes be helpful. It can push someone towards making important changes in their life, or it can push a doctor to go above and beyond the call of duty for a patient that needs their help to get better.
But sometimes it's easy to forget that some things don't need improving at all.
***
"Hey, Todd," Turk says as he and JD step into the men's locker room to change into their scrubs. "How's it hanging?"
"A little leftish today. Thanks for asking," The Todd says, smiling quite broadly. Granted, The Todd can usually be found smiling, but this particular smile is something beyond bright. It's sort of disturbing.
"I walked right into that one, didn't I?" Turk asks JD as he digs through his locker for a clean pair of scrubs.
"You kind of did," JD confirms.
"There's also some tinsel and mistletoe involved," The Todd adds. "You know, for the festiveness."
"Thank you, Todd, for ruining Christmas for us." Turk sighs.
"God help us, every one," JD chimes in.
JD turns his attention to pulling on his scrub pants, and consequently ends up shrieking like a little girl when The Todd makes a loud gasping noise from behind him.
"You have got to learn to shriek like a man," Turk tells him, then turns to The Todd. "What's that?"
He's pointing to a stocking in The Todd's hands. It apparently just came out of his locker.
The Todd shrugs and sits down on the bench, pulling the items inside the stocking out and examining them carefully before setting them down. He pulls out Axe body spray, a packet of M&Ms, and, from the very bottom of the stocking, three speedos.
JD moves closer to inspect the items as Turk gives the stocking itself an once-over to try and find a card. There isn't one.
"Do you know who it's from?" Turk asks when he comes up empty.
"No," The Todd says, still staring at the gifts. For a second, JD thinks maybe he's in shock. "I bet it's that chick from processing. You know, the one with," he holds his hands out in front of his chest to mimic boobs.
"I think she's married," Turk comments.
"I've never seen her, so she must be," JD adds helpfully.
The Todd cocks his head to the side. If JD didn't know that he never did such things, he'd think that The Todd was actually thinking.
"Maybe it's a secret admirer," he says. A smile starts to spread across his features. "Must be. They obviously want to see me wearing the banana hammocks, smelling like that, and eating those." He points to each item in turn before continuing. "Finally, someone who understands that my banana needs to swing free."
"And the theme of the presents is 'melts your brain, not in your mouth?'" Turk suggests.
JD nudges Turk slightly. "Don't say that, C. Bear. I think it's cool that The Todd has an admirer."
"You're just saying that because it means that if even he can get someone, then so can you."
"Hey!" JD says defensively. "Low blow!" When Turk just stares at him, JD admits, "Okay, so fair point. But still, low blow."
"I've got something low you can blow," Todd replies without looking up from his presents.
Turk rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Good luck finding the mystery Santa, Todd."
The Todd nods and goes back to pawing through his gifts as they leave.
***
We try to make ourselves better for lots of reasons. But usually, it's because we're trying to live up to what we think everyone else expects of us.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that what counts is what we expect of ourselves.
***
"Carla, can I talk to you?" Elliot asks as she approaches the nurses' station.
Carla looks up from the pile of paperwork in front of her. She looks frazzled. But Elliot is not one to give up that easily. "Please?" she adds.
"Work or personal?" Carla asks as she initials a sheet of paper without looking at it.
Elliot pauses. "Personal."
Carla leaps up from her seat. "Then yes and thank you God for the distraction. What'd you want to talk about?"
Elliot leads Carla into Coma Cop's room and pushes the door shut behind her. "Keith gave me part of my Christmas present last night."
"Oh, no. He didn't give you something stupid like ornaments for your tree, did he?"
"No, it's nothing that bad." Elliot sighs. "If only it were that simple. He gave me a coupon book full of…" she clears her throat, "boom-boom things."
"Elliot, if you're doing it, you can say it," Carla says for what feels like the fiftieth time.
Elliot hesitates, then says, "For sex things. You know, like one free apple mistress role play session."
Carla pinches the bridge of her nose. "Of course."
"And one of them is for a threesome. And he keeps hinting that I should go ahead and use it soon. So there I was, sitting there holding this otherwise lovely present, and all I could think was, 'Does Keith really think I'm the kind of girl who has a threesome?' and, 'If he does, does he really know me at all?' And then I got into, 'Does he expect me to be the kind of girl who has a threesome?' 'Do I need to have one for him to make him happy?'" Her voice goes into the dogs-only register towards the end, but Carla is used to it.
"He's a guy," Carla offers. "He probably just wants to be with two women at once and is trying to make you feel like it's your idea so that he doesn't have to feel guilty."
Elliot sighs and shakes her head, then pulls the offending coupon book out of her pocket and flips to a certain page. She holds it out to Carla and taps a spot halfway down.
Carla tries to read it through Elliot's shaking hands, but finally just takes the book from her and holds it still. Sure enough, halfway down the page, underneath a picture of three entwined figures, it says, "This coupon grants the holder one threesome with any other guy of her choosing."
Carla looks back up into Elliot's half-terrified face. "Oh."
"Is my boyfriend gay?" Elliot whines. "Because if he is, I think there's going to be an 'Elliot's Gay Ex-Boyfriends' Club' soon."
"I don't think so," Carla says. "He doesn't seem like he is. I think he's just trying to give you something he thinks you want."
"Then he doesn't know me at all." Elliot sighs and sits down on the edge of Coma Cop's bed. "Does he expect me to actually go through with it? Is he going to think I'm some sort of…waspy mcwasp prude if I don't?"
"You are a waspy mcwasp prude," Carla says sensibly.
"Yes, but clearly he doesn't know that!" Elliot exclaims.
"So you're not going to go through with it?"
"Of course not," Elliot says.
"But just for fun…" Carla asks slyly, "if you were going to do it. Who would you pick?"
"JD," Elliot answers without hesitation. "Not that I would do it."
"Of course not."
"He and Keith would be pretty together, wouldn't they, though?" Elliot asks. Her face takes on a far away dreamy expression.
"They would," Carla agrees.
"And JD knows me, so it wouldn't be like a surprise or anything like, 'Woah, what's that?' So that would be good."
Carla nods.
"But I'm not going to actually go through with it," Elliot says again.
"Of course not," Carla confirms.
"Nope, definitely not. I'll just tell Keith thanks but no thanks."
"Glad I could help," Carla says.
As they leave the room, JD approaches. "Hey. How's Coma Cop doing today?" he asks.
"JD, will you be in a threesome with me and Keith?" Elliot blurts out.
Carla turns to her, genuinely shocked, but Elliot looks even more surprised than she is. Elliot's eyes are nearly bulging out of her head and her hands are covering her mouth. She looks positively horrified at herself.
"Uh," JD stammers out. "Um…so he's good then? Great. Um…I'm just gonna go…away."
He takes off down the hallway faster than Carla has ever seen him move before.
***
Of course, sometimes we're given opportunities to do things that we never thought we'd do.
***
"Woah, where are you going?" Turk calls as JD flies past him.
Step and breathe, step and breathe.
"I'm power walking, Turk. Keep up."
Turk falls in step beside of him as he walks back towards the men's locker room.
"Did you forget your stethoscope or something?" Turk asks.
"Elliot just asked me to have a threesome with her and Keith," JD answers. Step and breathe, don't think; just step and breathe.
Turk stops dead. "She what?"
"She asked me to have a devil's threesome," JD repeats. "Which is just…is she trying to make me crazy? Because it's working."
Turk grabs JD's arm before he power walks too far out of reach. "She what?" he asks again. It's like he doesn't believe JD or something.
"Don't make me say it again," JD sighs.
Turk nods and goes quiet for a moment. "So," he says finally. "Are you going to do it?"
JD sputters. "W-what? Of course not. I—why—I mean, I'm sure Keith's a nice guy and all—and he's a very good kisser to be sure—but…and Elliot. I mean, come on, do I really want to open that can of worms?"
"Right," Turk nods. "You're not the kind of guy who has a threesome."
"Ri—" JD begins, then does a double take. "Wait. What's that mean? I'm not the kind of guy who has a threesome? What kind of guy would that be?"
Turk shrugs. "I don't know. The threesome-having kind."
"Turk…"
Turk sighs. "Look, JD. You're my best friend, so please remember that what I'm about to say is said out of a place of love, okay? You're uptight. You and Elliot, that's your thing. Your body scares you—"
"Well, if you were a poop-fainter, yours would too."
Turk chuckles. "Yeah, well, be that as it may, it doesn't change the fact that you're just not the kind of guy who has a threesome, okay?"
"But what kind of guy is that?"
"Less uptight," Turk says thoughtfully. "You know, cool."
"I'm not cool?" JD asks.
Why would Turk say something like that? He knows I'm off the heezy.
"You're…you're cool in a different way," Turk says after a moment's pause.
"You know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to have a threesome."
"JD, what?"
"I'm going to prove to you that I'm the kind of guy who can have a threesome."
"By sleeping with your ex-girlfriend and some dude?"
JD pauses. When Turk puts it like that, it does sound a bit ridiculous. But maybe Turk wants it to sound ridiculous so that JD won't do it and won't be the new hospital stud.
"You're just jealous that someone asked me when the last time you had a threesome, it was between you and Carla while Rowdy watched."
"Shhh," Turk insists. "I thought we pinkie swore that we'd never talk about that in public?" He pauses. "And what do you mean? I'm not jealous. Dude, it's a devil's threesome. I am not jealous over that."
JD shrugs. "Whatever. I'm doing it. I'm going to prove to you that I am the kind of guy who can have a threesome."
Turk sighs. He can probably sense JD's resolve. JD wishes he could sense it.
***
But just because we get the opportunity to do something, it doesn't mean that we actually should.
The problem is, most of the time it's too late by the time we realize that.
***
JD approaches the nurses' station cautiously, tapping out a nervous rhythm on his clipboard.
"Dude, look," The Todd says, holding up another, smaller, stocking. "My secret admirer sent me another present." He pulls out a red, heart-shaped lollipop from the stocking. "It's a cherry sucker. I really hope it's that chick from processing because I would love to suck her cherry."
"That's disgusting, Todd," JD says. "Carla, have you seen Elliot?"
"She's checking Mr. Henderson's vitals," Carla says as she shuffles her mountain of paperwork. "Why? Are you—you're not going to say yes, are you?"
"So what if I am?" JD asks defensively.
Carla laughs. "Because you're not the kind of guy who has a threesome," she says evenly. "Todd's the kind of guy who has a threesome. Or he would be if he could actually find two people who were willing to sleep with him."
"Hello," Todd says as he shakes the stocking in her direction. "Whoever here has a secret admirer sending them presents, raise your hand." He sticks his free hand in the air. "Just me, then?"
Carla frowns. "It's probably some intern trying to suck up."
"I've got something they can suck," The Todd replies idly, attention now fully back on his gifts.
"Then why would they be secret?" JD points out to her as if Todd had not spoken. She gives him a Look. "I mean…you're right. Of course you're right."
"Who would secretly admirer The Todd anyway?" she asks.
The Todd looks up. He looks hurt. If JD didn't know any better, he'd think he actually was.
"Oh, Todd," Carla says, turning to him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean—"
He pushes himself off the counter and sets his stocking down. JD feels awkward.
"It's okay," Todd says. He shrugs. "Probably just some intern. You're right."
He walks off, shoulders distinctly hunched. His stocking lies where he left it on the counter, lollipop sticking out of it.
"I really didn't mean to hurt his feelings," Carla insists. "To tell you the truth, I'd sort of forgotten he was there. Usually he's making so many stupid comments and hitting on all my nurses, so you can't really miss him."
"He'll get over it," JD says helpfully. "It's The Todd."
She glances over her shoulder at The Todd's retreating form, then sighs. "Yeah."
"So Elliot's in Mr. Henderson's room, then?" JD asks. Carla nods.
***
The trouble with opportunities is that it's hard to know the difference between the good and the bad. It's almost impossible to know until after you've already made the decision, and by then it's irreversible.
At that point, all you can do is live with the consequences.
***
"Elliot?" JD says tentatively as he walks into the room.
She looks up from her clipboard as Mr. Henderson looks on, mildly interested.
"That…thing you mentioned before?"
Play it cool, Dorian.
She bites her lip. "Yeah?"
JD takes a deep breath and girds his loins. He's not even sure what that saying means, but he's pretty sure his loins are sufficiently girded at the end of the twenty seconds it takes him to get his mouth to say the words.
"I'll do it."
Elliot nods. "Okay."
"Okay," JD echoes, then turns on his heel and strides out of the room. He could almost swear he hears her give a squeal of half-nervousness and half-delight as he leaves.
A new day is sort of exciting when you think about it. It's a fresh chance. An offer to start over, to be whoever you want to be. You can be the same old you, or you can make a choice to be something better than you were the day before.
The trick is making the right choice.
***
If JD had speakers with him for the iPod in his pocket, he would be pulling it out and putting on "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred as he walks into the hospital the next morning. He feels sexy. He's going to have a threesome tomorrow night. How many of his fellow doctors can say that? Besides Elliot and Keith, of course.
Halfway down the hall (he does his little turn on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah), he's joined by someone he doesn't recognize at first.
The first thing he notices is the entirely overpowering smell of Axe. The next thing is the incredibly shiny, shiny black hair sleeked down atop the person's head. After that, it's the conservative cut of the sleeves of this person's scrubs.
It takes him a moment to realize that it's The Todd.
"Todd?" he asks incredulously, and bumps into a breakfast cart.
"Hello, John," Todd says stiffly.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" JD asks, gesturing wildly.
Todd sighs. "Carla was right. No one would secretly admirer me. At least not the way I was. But," he indicates his new look, "now, meet the new, grown up Todd."
"Is this some kind of joke?" JD asks. "You look ridiculous. And those scrubs are stretching way too tightly across your biceps. It's obscene."
Todd shrugs. "Better get used to it, then, because this is the new, more mature Todd."
"Oh really?" JD decides that the best course of action is to simply prove to The Todd that he's being crazy. "You should meet my friend and give him pointers. He needs to grow up, too."
"Oh, yeah?" The Todd asks. "What's his name?"
"Harry Bagina," JD says. He barely manages not to crack a smile.
The Todd cocks his head to the side, and then his eyes light up with that familiar dirty-joke-delight that JD has come to know over the years. He seems to struggle internally. Finally he manages to say, in a very hoarse voice, "I have to go."
He takes off in the other direction. JD watches him for a moment, then shrugs and goes back to mentally humming, "I'm Too Sexy." He has an entrance to make, after all.
***
All day long, JD feels like he's never felt before. He feels confident and sexy, like everyone he meets wants a piece of him.
Of course, they don't, and when he tries to hit on Redheaded Gift Shop Girl, he gets coffee thrown at him and spends ten minutes in the men's shower with ice cold water spraying onto his chest.
Still. He feels sexy all the same.
Granted, he can't exactly meet Elliot's eyes all day and there's an embarrassing incident where he bumps into Keith as he's leaving his ice-shower and neither of them can even look at the other, but JD's never been a big fan of Keith anyway, and he's been through the awkward thing with Elliot before. He can get through this.
***
Carla sits down at her computer at the nurses' station and reaches for her favorite pencil, the realizes that instead of her usual pencil cup, in its place is a coffee mug with red-stained lollipop sticks floating in it. Then she realizes that she is stuck to her seat.
"What the--?" she asks as she tries to stand. All that happens is that her chair rolls a few feet to the left.
She spends twenty minutes trying to unstick herself before Turk comes along.
"Hey, baby," Turk says as he approaches with yet another stack of paperwork. Carla thinks she might kill her husband.
"Don't you hey, baby me," she snaps.
Turk frowns. "What's wrong?"
Carla demonstrates her situation by trying to stand up.
"I didn't do it," Turk says defensively.
"I know you didn’t," Carla informs him. "The Todd did." She brandishes the coffee mug with lollipop sticks at him. "See what he did?"
"I don't think it was him," Turk says softly, testing the waters for her reaction. "He's…different today."
"I don't care if he's turned into the Pope. How else do you explain the lollipops?"
Turk shrugs.
"He's still mad about what I said yesterday," she says thoughtfully. "I tried to apologize."
Just then The Todd walks by.
"Hey, Carla," he says tonelessly.
"Todd, did you glue my wife to her chair?" Turk asks, reaching an arm out to stop him as he passes by.
The Todd turns, surprised. "What?"
"My wife. Her chair. They've recently formed an unbreakable bond. And her pencil cup turned into a dirty coffee mug."
"With lollipop sticks!" Carla adds, showing Todd. "Just like you got in your stocking yesterday."
"I didn't do it," The Todd says. "I don't play pranks. I just turn everything into single entendres. Or I used to before I matured." He gestures to his sleek and shiny hair.
"He has a point," Turk says fairly. "About the single entendres, not the maturing part."
"That's true," Carla says thoughtfully.
"You want me to wheel you into the women's locker room so you can climb out of your pants?" Turk asks.
Carla sighs, but nods. As she's wheeled away, she watches Doug and Keith add two more stacks of paper work to the already mountainous wasteland her desk has become, and groans.
Sometimes, she really hates her job.
***
JD is in the locker room changing to go home when The Todd walks in and starts changing out of his new scrubs and into a pair of very starchy trousers and a pressed white shirt. It's disturbing.
Halfway through buttoning up his shirt, The Todd frowns.
"What's the matter?" JD asks as he tugs his Journey Escape Tour t-shirt on.
"There's…there's no gifts." The Todd gestures vaguely at his locker. "It's empty."
JD comes closer and peers inside as he straightens his shirt. "Maybe…maybe they took a day off?"
The Todd nods, almost sadly. "Carla was right. It was just an intern trying to suck up."
He closes his locker and leaves, head hung before JD can think of anything to say.
***
"Hey," JD says as he approaches Elliot the next morning. He forces a smile onto his face as he leans next to her at the nurses' station.
"Hey," she says, matching his smile and bumping him with her hip. "So you're still in this right?"
"Of course," JD says. "Why—why wouldn't I be?"
"Oh," Elliot says, suddenly stuttering. "I was just making sure you were still into this. Because I totally am."
"So am I. Totally."
"Great," Elliot says.
"Totally great," JD replies.
"Right."
"Yeah."
"I've got patients."
"So do I."
"Okay, then. So…tonight."
"Great," JD says again, and heads in the opposite direction.
***
"Hi, Pookie Pants," Keith says as he wraps his arms around Elliot from behind.
"Dr. Beardface, are you sure we should be doing this in public? Keith could find out," Elliot teases.
"Ha ha," Keith says as he spins her around and plants a gentle kiss on her lips. "You know using your old man fetish against me is unfair."
She smiles. "You know you love it."
"I do," Keith confirms. "So…you ready for tonight?"
"Uh-huh," Elliot says uneasily.
"Merry Christmas," Keith says, kissing her again before heading off to tend to his patients.
***
Todd is in a bad mood. The holidays usually make him quite happy. There are tons of opportunities to make passes at people standing under mistletoe and endless chances to turn the word "snow globe" into something dirty.
But between what Carla said, the lack of gifts in his locker, and the fact that having sleeves on his scrubs makes it really hard for him to move his arms in certain directions, he feels like maybe he should just skip this holiday season altogether. Life's not as fun when he's trying to be "mature," anyway.
Oh, and then there's that thing where his patient just died on his operating table. It wasn't really his fault, and the guy was really, really old, but that doesn't make him feel any better about it. He'd volunteered to wheel the guy down to the morgue, and now here he was waiting on that nervous guy who used to be in the brain trust to open the door already.
The door finally opens and Todd pushes the gurney inside, not paying attention to much of anything except his strong desire to not hit anything with the stretcher.
"Sixty-two year old male died on the operating table," he says absently, steering carefully around the table in the center of the room. Todd really hopes that Nervous Doctor is writing this down, because he is not in the mood to repeat himself.
"O-okay. Thanks," comes a voice from behind him. He sounds even more nervous than usual. Todd wonders if maybe he's having a bad day, too.
He carefully locks the wheels of the gurney and turns to leave, and it's at that moment that he realizes something.
Doug is sucking on a red, heart-shaped cherry sucker.
"Hey!" he says, pointing at the lollipop. Doug freezes and starts to stutter wildly. "You stole that from my stocking, didn't you?" Todd asks.
Doug stops stuttering. "Yes?" he says, though it sounds like a question. "I stole it." He takes a deep breath, then says, "Yes. I stole it. Sorry."
"Stealing is wrong," Todd advises, then turns to leave. He's almost completely out the door before it sinks in.
He turns back and finds Doug standing there watching him nervously, still sucking on his lollipop.
"Wait," Todd says slowly. "Did…are you…?"
Slowly, Doug nods. "I didn't want you to find out," he says hurriedly. "I just thought it was Christmas, and you deserved a present."
Todd leans against the table counter by the door. His brain is having a hard time keeping up with this. "Why the M&Ms?" he asks. "I get the hammocks and the spray."
Doug blushes scarlet and mumbles something Todd can't hear.
"What?"
Doug stares at the floor and says, "The theme was you could melt in my mouth, not in my hand."
Todd thinks he's seriously going to need a brain upgrade in order to finish this conversation.
"I really didn't want you to find out. I know you like women. You talk about them all the time."
"Hey, hey," Todd says. "The Todd does not discriminate. He accepts all applicants, okay?"
Doug nods. He looks miserable.
"Why did you stop?" Todd asks. "The gifts, I mean?"
Doug looks up at him and frowns. "You changed. The dressing up, the hair…you stopped acting like yourself. I didn't like it."
Todd has always heard the phrase "mind-blown" but he never really thought it could actually happen. But he definitely feels like his mind is blowing right now. "You liked me the way I was?" he asks.
Doug nods.
"Oh." He moves closer to the sink, turns on the faucet, and sticks his head under it. When he comes up, he grabs some paper towels and tries his best to dry his hair, then grabs a pair of scissors, cuts off the sleeves of his scrubs, and uses one of them to tie around his hair. "Better?" he asks.
"Much," Doug says quietly.
"Are you the one who messed with Carla's desk and glued her to her chair?"
Doug nods again. "I heard what she said to you," he says. Then, "You don't…I'm not…I mean, I want…" he stutters for a moment, then takes a deep breath and says, "I don't expect anything."
"You can expect my thing," The Todd says, then grins. It's good to be back.
***
Carla looks up from her paperwork and glares at JD as he taps out a nervous rhythm on her countertop.
"JD, will you stop that?"
"Sorry," he says, and goes quiet. For all of two seconds.
"JD, stop," Carla says, a little harsher this time.
"Sorry," he repeats. This time he stays quiet.
That is, until The Todd walks by, grinning broadly, back to his old usual self. Doug is walking beside him, looking pleased but embarrassed, and it's not until they've passed the station that Carla sees why. Todd has his hand firmly on Doug's ass.
She glances at JD, who's eyes are bulging wide, then they both shrug.
She goes back to her paper work, and JD goes back to tapping until Elliot and Keith walk by, then leaves with them.
Finally, quiet.
"Hey, baby," Turk's voice says as he slides into the seat next to her.
"Hey," she says distractedly, allowing him to kiss her on the cheek.
"You ready to go home?" he asks.
She shakes her head. "I can't, sweetie. I have to stay until I get this done." She gestures to the paperwork around her. "I'll see you tonight."
He's so silent that she thinks for a moment that he's left, but when she turns her head, he's still there, folder in front of him and hand moving across the top page as he signs her name.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"If I help, then you'll be done sooner," Turk says without looking up.
Carla smiles to herself as she goes back to her mountain of paper. Sometimes, she really loves her husband.
***
JD shifts nervously on the couch as Elliot pours the wine. He's on her left, Keith's on her right, and JD decides that if something doesn't break the tension in the room soon, they're all going to explode.
"Um…how do we start this?" he asks finally after they've all taken a sip of their wine.
"It's Elliot's present," Keith says. "She should get to decide."
"Um…" Elliot says. "Why don't…why don't you two kiss?"
"Oh," JD says. "Uh. Okay. Um…merry Christmas."
"Thanks," Elliot says quietly.
Keith leans across her, eyes closed and lips puckered, and all JD can think is that he has seriously, seriously gotten himself into a bad situation.
He closes his eyes and leans forward, expecting the brush of Keith's lips against his any second, but nothing happens. Cautiously, he cracks one eye open, and finds that Keith is doing the same thing.
He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but before he can, Elliot pushes them apart and jumps up off the couch. "I can't do this!" she exclaims. "Keith, I'm sorry, but I can't do this. And JD, thank you for coming, but…"
"It's okay," JD says. Thank God.
He thinks about watching The Todd and Doug leave together earlier, and how The Todd had gone back to his usual self. And he thinks about making choices and trying to change. And he realizes that he was just fine the way he was before, even if he didn't go around having threesomes.
"I'm just gonna go," he tells them, and leaves with a smile on his face.
***
"Keith, I'm sorry, I know you were trying to do something nice," Elliot says as she sits back down on the couch across from Keith. "But…this isn't me. I don't have threesomes. I can't even have sex with the light on. You know that."
"I know," Keith confirms.
"Then…then why would you do this?" Elliot asks.
Keith sighs. "I just thought…things have…sort of cooled down between us, haven't they?"
"A little."
"And I was just…I thought this might spice things up, and…I was just trying to make you happy."
"I was just trying to make you happy," Elliot says.
"I'm happy with things the way that they were," Keith tells her.
"So am I," Elliot agrees.
"So you wanna play Apple Thief?" Keith asks slyly.
Elliot grins. "I'll go get the outfits."
***
It's easy to lose yourself in a hospital and give in to the improvement madness all around you. But sometimes, you have to realize that you wouldn't be where you are today if you weren't pretty great already, and you have to learn to love yourself and those around you for who they are.
Besides, it's the holidays, and if you can't love your fellow man during the holidays, when can you, right?
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Todd/Doug, Keith/Elliot, Turk/Carla, past JD/Elliot.
Word Count: 5,334
Summary: Keith offers Elliot the chance to have a threesome with him and any other man at Sacred Heart, and The Todd has a secret admirer.
Disclaimer: Bill Lawrence & NBC own Scrubs. Not for profit.
Written for:
scrubs_smutmasThank You: To
agirlcalledkil and dancinbutterfly for all their help and advice.JD has worked in a hospital long enough to know that they are all about change. They're about sick people, too, but even then it's about changing their health condition. Everyone inside a hospital, whether they're ninety years or ninety seconds old, is trying to become something better than they are.
Being around this attitude can sometimes be helpful. It can push someone towards making important changes in their life, or it can push a doctor to go above and beyond the call of duty for a patient that needs their help to get better.
But sometimes it's easy to forget that some things don't need improving at all.
"Hey, Todd," Turk says as he and JD step into the men's locker room to change into their scrubs. "How's it hanging?"
"A little leftish today. Thanks for asking," The Todd says, smiling quite broadly. Granted, The Todd can usually be found smiling, but this particular smile is something beyond bright. It's sort of disturbing.
"I walked right into that one, didn't I?" Turk asks JD as he digs through his locker for a clean pair of scrubs.
"You kind of did," JD confirms.
"There's also some tinsel and mistletoe involved," The Todd adds. "You know, for the festiveness."
"Thank you, Todd, for ruining Christmas for us." Turk sighs.
"God help us, every one," JD chimes in.
JD turns his attention to pulling on his scrub pants, and consequently ends up shrieking like a little girl when The Todd makes a loud gasping noise from behind him.
"You have got to learn to shriek like a man," Turk tells him, then turns to The Todd. "What's that?"
He's pointing to a stocking in The Todd's hands. It apparently just came out of his locker.
The Todd shrugs and sits down on the bench, pulling the items inside the stocking out and examining them carefully before setting them down. He pulls out Axe body spray, a packet of M&Ms, and, from the very bottom of the stocking, three speedos.
JD moves closer to inspect the items as Turk gives the stocking itself an once-over to try and find a card. There isn't one.
"Do you know who it's from?" Turk asks when he comes up empty.
"No," The Todd says, still staring at the gifts. For a second, JD thinks maybe he's in shock. "I bet it's that chick from processing. You know, the one with," he holds his hands out in front of his chest to mimic boobs.
"I think she's married," Turk comments.
"I've never seen her, so she must be," JD adds helpfully.
The Todd cocks his head to the side. If JD didn't know that he never did such things, he'd think that The Todd was actually thinking.
"Maybe it's a secret admirer," he says. A smile starts to spread across his features. "Must be. They obviously want to see me wearing the banana hammocks, smelling like that, and eating those." He points to each item in turn before continuing. "Finally, someone who understands that my banana needs to swing free."
"And the theme of the presents is 'melts your brain, not in your mouth?'" Turk suggests.
JD nudges Turk slightly. "Don't say that, C. Bear. I think it's cool that The Todd has an admirer."
"You're just saying that because it means that if even he can get someone, then so can you."
"Hey!" JD says defensively. "Low blow!" When Turk just stares at him, JD admits, "Okay, so fair point. But still, low blow."
"I've got something low you can blow," Todd replies without looking up from his presents.
Turk rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Good luck finding the mystery Santa, Todd."
The Todd nods and goes back to pawing through his gifts as they leave.
We try to make ourselves better for lots of reasons. But usually, it's because we're trying to live up to what we think everyone else expects of us.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that what counts is what we expect of ourselves.
"Carla, can I talk to you?" Elliot asks as she approaches the nurses' station.
Carla looks up from the pile of paperwork in front of her. She looks frazzled. But Elliot is not one to give up that easily. "Please?" she adds.
"Work or personal?" Carla asks as she initials a sheet of paper without looking at it.
Elliot pauses. "Personal."
Carla leaps up from her seat. "Then yes and thank you God for the distraction. What'd you want to talk about?"
Elliot leads Carla into Coma Cop's room and pushes the door shut behind her. "Keith gave me part of my Christmas present last night."
"Oh, no. He didn't give you something stupid like ornaments for your tree, did he?"
"No, it's nothing that bad." Elliot sighs. "If only it were that simple. He gave me a coupon book full of…" she clears her throat, "boom-boom things."
"Elliot, if you're doing it, you can say it," Carla says for what feels like the fiftieth time.
Elliot hesitates, then says, "For sex things. You know, like one free apple mistress role play session."
Carla pinches the bridge of her nose. "Of course."
"And one of them is for a threesome. And he keeps hinting that I should go ahead and use it soon. So there I was, sitting there holding this otherwise lovely present, and all I could think was, 'Does Keith really think I'm the kind of girl who has a threesome?' and, 'If he does, does he really know me at all?' And then I got into, 'Does he expect me to be the kind of girl who has a threesome?' 'Do I need to have one for him to make him happy?'" Her voice goes into the dogs-only register towards the end, but Carla is used to it.
"He's a guy," Carla offers. "He probably just wants to be with two women at once and is trying to make you feel like it's your idea so that he doesn't have to feel guilty."
Elliot sighs and shakes her head, then pulls the offending coupon book out of her pocket and flips to a certain page. She holds it out to Carla and taps a spot halfway down.
Carla tries to read it through Elliot's shaking hands, but finally just takes the book from her and holds it still. Sure enough, halfway down the page, underneath a picture of three entwined figures, it says, "This coupon grants the holder one threesome with any other guy of her choosing."
Carla looks back up into Elliot's half-terrified face. "Oh."
"Is my boyfriend gay?" Elliot whines. "Because if he is, I think there's going to be an 'Elliot's Gay Ex-Boyfriends' Club' soon."
"I don't think so," Carla says. "He doesn't seem like he is. I think he's just trying to give you something he thinks you want."
"Then he doesn't know me at all." Elliot sighs and sits down on the edge of Coma Cop's bed. "Does he expect me to actually go through with it? Is he going to think I'm some sort of…waspy mcwasp prude if I don't?"
"You are a waspy mcwasp prude," Carla says sensibly.
"Yes, but clearly he doesn't know that!" Elliot exclaims.
"So you're not going to go through with it?"
"Of course not," Elliot says.
"But just for fun…" Carla asks slyly, "if you were going to do it. Who would you pick?"
"JD," Elliot answers without hesitation. "Not that I would do it."
"Of course not."
"He and Keith would be pretty together, wouldn't they, though?" Elliot asks. Her face takes on a far away dreamy expression.
"They would," Carla agrees.
"And JD knows me, so it wouldn't be like a surprise or anything like, 'Woah, what's that?' So that would be good."
Carla nods.
"But I'm not going to actually go through with it," Elliot says again.
"Of course not," Carla confirms.
"Nope, definitely not. I'll just tell Keith thanks but no thanks."
"Glad I could help," Carla says.
As they leave the room, JD approaches. "Hey. How's Coma Cop doing today?" he asks.
"JD, will you be in a threesome with me and Keith?" Elliot blurts out.
Carla turns to her, genuinely shocked, but Elliot looks even more surprised than she is. Elliot's eyes are nearly bulging out of her head and her hands are covering her mouth. She looks positively horrified at herself.
"Uh," JD stammers out. "Um…so he's good then? Great. Um…I'm just gonna go…away."
He takes off down the hallway faster than Carla has ever seen him move before.
Of course, sometimes we're given opportunities to do things that we never thought we'd do.
"Woah, where are you going?" Turk calls as JD flies past him.
Step and breathe, step and breathe.
"I'm power walking, Turk. Keep up."
Turk falls in step beside of him as he walks back towards the men's locker room.
"Did you forget your stethoscope or something?" Turk asks.
"Elliot just asked me to have a threesome with her and Keith," JD answers. Step and breathe, don't think; just step and breathe.
Turk stops dead. "She what?"
"She asked me to have a devil's threesome," JD repeats. "Which is just…is she trying to make me crazy? Because it's working."
Turk grabs JD's arm before he power walks too far out of reach. "She what?" he asks again. It's like he doesn't believe JD or something.
"Don't make me say it again," JD sighs.
Turk nods and goes quiet for a moment. "So," he says finally. "Are you going to do it?"
JD sputters. "W-what? Of course not. I—why—I mean, I'm sure Keith's a nice guy and all—and he's a very good kisser to be sure—but…and Elliot. I mean, come on, do I really want to open that can of worms?"
"Right," Turk nods. "You're not the kind of guy who has a threesome."
"Ri—" JD begins, then does a double take. "Wait. What's that mean? I'm not the kind of guy who has a threesome? What kind of guy would that be?"
Turk shrugs. "I don't know. The threesome-having kind."
"Turk…"
Turk sighs. "Look, JD. You're my best friend, so please remember that what I'm about to say is said out of a place of love, okay? You're uptight. You and Elliot, that's your thing. Your body scares you—"
"Well, if you were a poop-fainter, yours would too."
Turk chuckles. "Yeah, well, be that as it may, it doesn't change the fact that you're just not the kind of guy who has a threesome, okay?"
"But what kind of guy is that?"
"Less uptight," Turk says thoughtfully. "You know, cool."
"I'm not cool?" JD asks.
Why would Turk say something like that? He knows I'm off the heezy.
"You're…you're cool in a different way," Turk says after a moment's pause.
"You know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to have a threesome."
"JD, what?"
"I'm going to prove to you that I'm the kind of guy who can have a threesome."
"By sleeping with your ex-girlfriend and some dude?"
JD pauses. When Turk puts it like that, it does sound a bit ridiculous. But maybe Turk wants it to sound ridiculous so that JD won't do it and won't be the new hospital stud.
"You're just jealous that someone asked me when the last time you had a threesome, it was between you and Carla while Rowdy watched."
"Shhh," Turk insists. "I thought we pinkie swore that we'd never talk about that in public?" He pauses. "And what do you mean? I'm not jealous. Dude, it's a devil's threesome. I am not jealous over that."
JD shrugs. "Whatever. I'm doing it. I'm going to prove to you that I am the kind of guy who can have a threesome."
Turk sighs. He can probably sense JD's resolve. JD wishes he could sense it.
But just because we get the opportunity to do something, it doesn't mean that we actually should.
The problem is, most of the time it's too late by the time we realize that.
JD approaches the nurses' station cautiously, tapping out a nervous rhythm on his clipboard.
"Dude, look," The Todd says, holding up another, smaller, stocking. "My secret admirer sent me another present." He pulls out a red, heart-shaped lollipop from the stocking. "It's a cherry sucker. I really hope it's that chick from processing because I would love to suck her cherry."
"That's disgusting, Todd," JD says. "Carla, have you seen Elliot?"
"She's checking Mr. Henderson's vitals," Carla says as she shuffles her mountain of paperwork. "Why? Are you—you're not going to say yes, are you?"
"So what if I am?" JD asks defensively.
Carla laughs. "Because you're not the kind of guy who has a threesome," she says evenly. "Todd's the kind of guy who has a threesome. Or he would be if he could actually find two people who were willing to sleep with him."
"Hello," Todd says as he shakes the stocking in her direction. "Whoever here has a secret admirer sending them presents, raise your hand." He sticks his free hand in the air. "Just me, then?"
Carla frowns. "It's probably some intern trying to suck up."
"I've got something they can suck," The Todd replies idly, attention now fully back on his gifts.
"Then why would they be secret?" JD points out to her as if Todd had not spoken. She gives him a Look. "I mean…you're right. Of course you're right."
"Who would secretly admirer The Todd anyway?" she asks.
The Todd looks up. He looks hurt. If JD didn't know any better, he'd think he actually was.
"Oh, Todd," Carla says, turning to him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean—"
He pushes himself off the counter and sets his stocking down. JD feels awkward.
"It's okay," Todd says. He shrugs. "Probably just some intern. You're right."
He walks off, shoulders distinctly hunched. His stocking lies where he left it on the counter, lollipop sticking out of it.
"I really didn't mean to hurt his feelings," Carla insists. "To tell you the truth, I'd sort of forgotten he was there. Usually he's making so many stupid comments and hitting on all my nurses, so you can't really miss him."
"He'll get over it," JD says helpfully. "It's The Todd."
She glances over her shoulder at The Todd's retreating form, then sighs. "Yeah."
"So Elliot's in Mr. Henderson's room, then?" JD asks. Carla nods.
The trouble with opportunities is that it's hard to know the difference between the good and the bad. It's almost impossible to know until after you've already made the decision, and by then it's irreversible.
At that point, all you can do is live with the consequences.
"Elliot?" JD says tentatively as he walks into the room.
She looks up from her clipboard as Mr. Henderson looks on, mildly interested.
"That…thing you mentioned before?"
Play it cool, Dorian.
She bites her lip. "Yeah?"
JD takes a deep breath and girds his loins. He's not even sure what that saying means, but he's pretty sure his loins are sufficiently girded at the end of the twenty seconds it takes him to get his mouth to say the words.
"I'll do it."
Elliot nods. "Okay."
"Okay," JD echoes, then turns on his heel and strides out of the room. He could almost swear he hears her give a squeal of half-nervousness and half-delight as he leaves.
A new day is sort of exciting when you think about it. It's a fresh chance. An offer to start over, to be whoever you want to be. You can be the same old you, or you can make a choice to be something better than you were the day before.
The trick is making the right choice.
If JD had speakers with him for the iPod in his pocket, he would be pulling it out and putting on "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred as he walks into the hospital the next morning. He feels sexy. He's going to have a threesome tomorrow night. How many of his fellow doctors can say that? Besides Elliot and Keith, of course.
Halfway down the hall (he does his little turn on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah), he's joined by someone he doesn't recognize at first.
The first thing he notices is the entirely overpowering smell of Axe. The next thing is the incredibly shiny, shiny black hair sleeked down atop the person's head. After that, it's the conservative cut of the sleeves of this person's scrubs.
It takes him a moment to realize that it's The Todd.
"Todd?" he asks incredulously, and bumps into a breakfast cart.
"Hello, John," Todd says stiffly.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" JD asks, gesturing wildly.
Todd sighs. "Carla was right. No one would secretly admirer me. At least not the way I was. But," he indicates his new look, "now, meet the new, grown up Todd."
"Is this some kind of joke?" JD asks. "You look ridiculous. And those scrubs are stretching way too tightly across your biceps. It's obscene."
Todd shrugs. "Better get used to it, then, because this is the new, more mature Todd."
"Oh really?" JD decides that the best course of action is to simply prove to The Todd that he's being crazy. "You should meet my friend and give him pointers. He needs to grow up, too."
"Oh, yeah?" The Todd asks. "What's his name?"
"Harry Bagina," JD says. He barely manages not to crack a smile.
The Todd cocks his head to the side, and then his eyes light up with that familiar dirty-joke-delight that JD has come to know over the years. He seems to struggle internally. Finally he manages to say, in a very hoarse voice, "I have to go."
He takes off in the other direction. JD watches him for a moment, then shrugs and goes back to mentally humming, "I'm Too Sexy." He has an entrance to make, after all.
All day long, JD feels like he's never felt before. He feels confident and sexy, like everyone he meets wants a piece of him.
Of course, they don't, and when he tries to hit on Redheaded Gift Shop Girl, he gets coffee thrown at him and spends ten minutes in the men's shower with ice cold water spraying onto his chest.
Still. He feels sexy all the same.
Granted, he can't exactly meet Elliot's eyes all day and there's an embarrassing incident where he bumps into Keith as he's leaving his ice-shower and neither of them can even look at the other, but JD's never been a big fan of Keith anyway, and he's been through the awkward thing with Elliot before. He can get through this.
Carla sits down at her computer at the nurses' station and reaches for her favorite pencil, the realizes that instead of her usual pencil cup, in its place is a coffee mug with red-stained lollipop sticks floating in it. Then she realizes that she is stuck to her seat.
"What the--?" she asks as she tries to stand. All that happens is that her chair rolls a few feet to the left.
She spends twenty minutes trying to unstick herself before Turk comes along.
"Hey, baby," Turk says as he approaches with yet another stack of paperwork. Carla thinks she might kill her husband.
"Don't you hey, baby me," she snaps.
Turk frowns. "What's wrong?"
Carla demonstrates her situation by trying to stand up.
"I didn't do it," Turk says defensively.
"I know you didn’t," Carla informs him. "The Todd did." She brandishes the coffee mug with lollipop sticks at him. "See what he did?"
"I don't think it was him," Turk says softly, testing the waters for her reaction. "He's…different today."
"I don't care if he's turned into the Pope. How else do you explain the lollipops?"
Turk shrugs.
"He's still mad about what I said yesterday," she says thoughtfully. "I tried to apologize."
Just then The Todd walks by.
"Hey, Carla," he says tonelessly.
"Todd, did you glue my wife to her chair?" Turk asks, reaching an arm out to stop him as he passes by.
The Todd turns, surprised. "What?"
"My wife. Her chair. They've recently formed an unbreakable bond. And her pencil cup turned into a dirty coffee mug."
"With lollipop sticks!" Carla adds, showing Todd. "Just like you got in your stocking yesterday."
"I didn't do it," The Todd says. "I don't play pranks. I just turn everything into single entendres. Or I used to before I matured." He gestures to his sleek and shiny hair.
"He has a point," Turk says fairly. "About the single entendres, not the maturing part."
"That's true," Carla says thoughtfully.
"You want me to wheel you into the women's locker room so you can climb out of your pants?" Turk asks.
Carla sighs, but nods. As she's wheeled away, she watches Doug and Keith add two more stacks of paper work to the already mountainous wasteland her desk has become, and groans.
Sometimes, she really hates her job.
JD is in the locker room changing to go home when The Todd walks in and starts changing out of his new scrubs and into a pair of very starchy trousers and a pressed white shirt. It's disturbing.
Halfway through buttoning up his shirt, The Todd frowns.
"What's the matter?" JD asks as he tugs his Journey Escape Tour t-shirt on.
"There's…there's no gifts." The Todd gestures vaguely at his locker. "It's empty."
JD comes closer and peers inside as he straightens his shirt. "Maybe…maybe they took a day off?"
The Todd nods, almost sadly. "Carla was right. It was just an intern trying to suck up."
He closes his locker and leaves, head hung before JD can think of anything to say.
"Hey," JD says as he approaches Elliot the next morning. He forces a smile onto his face as he leans next to her at the nurses' station.
"Hey," she says, matching his smile and bumping him with her hip. "So you're still in this right?"
"Of course," JD says. "Why—why wouldn't I be?"
"Oh," Elliot says, suddenly stuttering. "I was just making sure you were still into this. Because I totally am."
"So am I. Totally."
"Great," Elliot says.
"Totally great," JD replies.
"Right."
"Yeah."
"I've got patients."
"So do I."
"Okay, then. So…tonight."
"Great," JD says again, and heads in the opposite direction.
"Hi, Pookie Pants," Keith says as he wraps his arms around Elliot from behind.
"Dr. Beardface, are you sure we should be doing this in public? Keith could find out," Elliot teases.
"Ha ha," Keith says as he spins her around and plants a gentle kiss on her lips. "You know using your old man fetish against me is unfair."
She smiles. "You know you love it."
"I do," Keith confirms. "So…you ready for tonight?"
"Uh-huh," Elliot says uneasily.
"Merry Christmas," Keith says, kissing her again before heading off to tend to his patients.
Todd is in a bad mood. The holidays usually make him quite happy. There are tons of opportunities to make passes at people standing under mistletoe and endless chances to turn the word "snow globe" into something dirty.
But between what Carla said, the lack of gifts in his locker, and the fact that having sleeves on his scrubs makes it really hard for him to move his arms in certain directions, he feels like maybe he should just skip this holiday season altogether. Life's not as fun when he's trying to be "mature," anyway.
Oh, and then there's that thing where his patient just died on his operating table. It wasn't really his fault, and the guy was really, really old, but that doesn't make him feel any better about it. He'd volunteered to wheel the guy down to the morgue, and now here he was waiting on that nervous guy who used to be in the brain trust to open the door already.
The door finally opens and Todd pushes the gurney inside, not paying attention to much of anything except his strong desire to not hit anything with the stretcher.
"Sixty-two year old male died on the operating table," he says absently, steering carefully around the table in the center of the room. Todd really hopes that Nervous Doctor is writing this down, because he is not in the mood to repeat himself.
"O-okay. Thanks," comes a voice from behind him. He sounds even more nervous than usual. Todd wonders if maybe he's having a bad day, too.
He carefully locks the wheels of the gurney and turns to leave, and it's at that moment that he realizes something.
Doug is sucking on a red, heart-shaped cherry sucker.
"Hey!" he says, pointing at the lollipop. Doug freezes and starts to stutter wildly. "You stole that from my stocking, didn't you?" Todd asks.
Doug stops stuttering. "Yes?" he says, though it sounds like a question. "I stole it." He takes a deep breath, then says, "Yes. I stole it. Sorry."
"Stealing is wrong," Todd advises, then turns to leave. He's almost completely out the door before it sinks in.
He turns back and finds Doug standing there watching him nervously, still sucking on his lollipop.
"Wait," Todd says slowly. "Did…are you…?"
Slowly, Doug nods. "I didn't want you to find out," he says hurriedly. "I just thought it was Christmas, and you deserved a present."
Todd leans against the table counter by the door. His brain is having a hard time keeping up with this. "Why the M&Ms?" he asks. "I get the hammocks and the spray."
Doug blushes scarlet and mumbles something Todd can't hear.
"What?"
Doug stares at the floor and says, "The theme was you could melt in my mouth, not in my hand."
Todd thinks he's seriously going to need a brain upgrade in order to finish this conversation.
"I really didn't want you to find out. I know you like women. You talk about them all the time."
"Hey, hey," Todd says. "The Todd does not discriminate. He accepts all applicants, okay?"
Doug nods. He looks miserable.
"Why did you stop?" Todd asks. "The gifts, I mean?"
Doug looks up at him and frowns. "You changed. The dressing up, the hair…you stopped acting like yourself. I didn't like it."
Todd has always heard the phrase "mind-blown" but he never really thought it could actually happen. But he definitely feels like his mind is blowing right now. "You liked me the way I was?" he asks.
Doug nods.
"Oh." He moves closer to the sink, turns on the faucet, and sticks his head under it. When he comes up, he grabs some paper towels and tries his best to dry his hair, then grabs a pair of scissors, cuts off the sleeves of his scrubs, and uses one of them to tie around his hair. "Better?" he asks.
"Much," Doug says quietly.
"Are you the one who messed with Carla's desk and glued her to her chair?"
Doug nods again. "I heard what she said to you," he says. Then, "You don't…I'm not…I mean, I want…" he stutters for a moment, then takes a deep breath and says, "I don't expect anything."
"You can expect my thing," The Todd says, then grins. It's good to be back.
Carla looks up from her paperwork and glares at JD as he taps out a nervous rhythm on her countertop.
"JD, will you stop that?"
"Sorry," he says, and goes quiet. For all of two seconds.
"JD, stop," Carla says, a little harsher this time.
"Sorry," he repeats. This time he stays quiet.
That is, until The Todd walks by, grinning broadly, back to his old usual self. Doug is walking beside him, looking pleased but embarrassed, and it's not until they've passed the station that Carla sees why. Todd has his hand firmly on Doug's ass.
She glances at JD, who's eyes are bulging wide, then they both shrug.
She goes back to her paper work, and JD goes back to tapping until Elliot and Keith walk by, then leaves with them.
Finally, quiet.
"Hey, baby," Turk's voice says as he slides into the seat next to her.
"Hey," she says distractedly, allowing him to kiss her on the cheek.
"You ready to go home?" he asks.
She shakes her head. "I can't, sweetie. I have to stay until I get this done." She gestures to the paperwork around her. "I'll see you tonight."
He's so silent that she thinks for a moment that he's left, but when she turns her head, he's still there, folder in front of him and hand moving across the top page as he signs her name.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"If I help, then you'll be done sooner," Turk says without looking up.
Carla smiles to herself as she goes back to her mountain of paper. Sometimes, she really loves her husband.
JD shifts nervously on the couch as Elliot pours the wine. He's on her left, Keith's on her right, and JD decides that if something doesn't break the tension in the room soon, they're all going to explode.
"Um…how do we start this?" he asks finally after they've all taken a sip of their wine.
"It's Elliot's present," Keith says. "She should get to decide."
"Um…" Elliot says. "Why don't…why don't you two kiss?"
"Oh," JD says. "Uh. Okay. Um…merry Christmas."
"Thanks," Elliot says quietly.
Keith leans across her, eyes closed and lips puckered, and all JD can think is that he has seriously, seriously gotten himself into a bad situation.
He closes his eyes and leans forward, expecting the brush of Keith's lips against his any second, but nothing happens. Cautiously, he cracks one eye open, and finds that Keith is doing the same thing.
He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but before he can, Elliot pushes them apart and jumps up off the couch. "I can't do this!" she exclaims. "Keith, I'm sorry, but I can't do this. And JD, thank you for coming, but…"
"It's okay," JD says. Thank God.
He thinks about watching The Todd and Doug leave together earlier, and how The Todd had gone back to his usual self. And he thinks about making choices and trying to change. And he realizes that he was just fine the way he was before, even if he didn't go around having threesomes.
"I'm just gonna go," he tells them, and leaves with a smile on his face.
"Keith, I'm sorry, I know you were trying to do something nice," Elliot says as she sits back down on the couch across from Keith. "But…this isn't me. I don't have threesomes. I can't even have sex with the light on. You know that."
"I know," Keith confirms.
"Then…then why would you do this?" Elliot asks.
Keith sighs. "I just thought…things have…sort of cooled down between us, haven't they?"
"A little."
"And I was just…I thought this might spice things up, and…I was just trying to make you happy."
"I was just trying to make you happy," Elliot says.
"I'm happy with things the way that they were," Keith tells her.
"So am I," Elliot agrees.
"So you wanna play Apple Thief?" Keith asks slyly.
Elliot grins. "I'll go get the outfits."
It's easy to lose yourself in a hospital and give in to the improvement madness all around you. But sometimes, you have to realize that you wouldn't be where you are today if you weren't pretty great already, and you have to learn to love yourself and those around you for who they are.
Besides, it's the holidays, and if you can't love your fellow man during the holidays, when can you, right?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-05-14 12:01 am (UTC)Umm, I believe the appropriate word would be......squee?
Did I use that correctly? ;]
Seriously, amazing.
Fics about The Todd are so rare.
The Todd deserves some lovin', too.
This fic made my day.
Muchas gracias.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-14 01:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-16 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 04:45 pm (UTC)